


Taking the Time

by CaitrionaBalfeStan



Series: Necessary Adjustments [1]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doctor!Claire, Domestic Violence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, doctor!jamie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitrionaBalfeStan/pseuds/CaitrionaBalfeStan
Summary: Claire and Jamie met in their first year of University and became fast friends. However, Claire returns to Scotland after a few years with a dreadful husband and a terrible relationship. Not to mention, a young daughter as well. Claire feels trapped, tied to her controlling husband. Jamie desperately wants to help his dearest friend in any way he can. Will Claire be able to untangle herself and her daughter from the tight knot of her relationship?
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Claire Beauchamp/Tom Christie
Series: Necessary Adjustments [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100228
Comments: 144
Kudos: 267





	1. The Knot Feels Tighter

**Author's Note:**

> New story!
> 
> If you have not read the books, then you will likely recognize the character of Tom Christie. He first appears in The Fiery Cross and proceeds to have an absolutely insane storyline. I chose to use him instead of Frank because of all that happens in An Echo in the Bone. HOWEVER, you do not need to have read the books to understand this story. I'm simply just using the character.
> 
> Enjoy!

I’m sitting at my desk thumbing through paperwork when I hear the door to my office burst open.

“Fraser,” I smile. “You’re late. I almost thought you weren’t going to make it.” he rolls his eyes and plops down onto a chair with a grunt.

“Afraid I got caught up wi’ a mother after an appointment.” he releases his curls from the bobble holding it back and runs his hand through them. I raise my eyebrows.

“Caught up in a good way or a bad way?” he throws a playful glare at me.

“She went on for a good twenty minutes about how her son doesna’ need medication for his Marfan syndrome and that the lavender oil her sister gave her will do just fine.” Jamie pulls a protein shake and apple out of his bag and places them roughly onto the desk. “No matter what I said she just thought I was lying and tryna’ force her to spend more money on treatment.”

“I had one of those last week. Don’t get me wrong I love diffusing oils too but they won’t do that much for you.” he chuckles lightly and bites into his apple.

“Where’s your lunch?” he asks. 

“I already finished it, Dr. Fraser,” I say, pointedly. “ _ Someone  _ was twenty-five minutes late to their break.” in reality, I hadn’t had lunch today but wasn’t in the mood to go down that hill with him again. Tom has been pestering me to lose the rest of the baby weight from Faith that has stubbornly refused to budge. I wasn’t fat by any means, but not quite as slender as I normally am.

“Just tryna’ be a good doctor, Dr. Beauchamp,” he responds, laughing. Jamie is the only one to refer to me by that name. We met nine years ago at the University of Edinburgh while getting our doctorates. Being in many of the same classes, we quickly became friends and spent the majority of our time together. I transferred to Oxford after our first year to take care of my ailing uncle. We stayed in touch for a time until I began dating Tom Christie and he wasn’t comfortable with how close I was with another man. Four years later I returned to Scotland with a doctorate, husband, and baby on the way. Now working at the same hospital as genetic counselors, Jamie and I easily resumed our friendship. “Oh I meant to ask, are ye coming to the staff holiday party on Friday?” my smile falls.

“Unfortunately not. Tom wants me to go with him to the administrators' party that night.” being the new CEO of the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh Tom constantly feels the need to parade around how incredibly perfect his life is to all of his peers and colleagues. It’s exhausting at best, and absolutely unbearable at worst.

“Will he no’ allow ye to go to both?” Jamie frowns. From the moment Tom and Jamie met they had an immediate disdain for each other. Jamie because he felt Tom was too stuck up and full of himself, and Tom because he hated how close Jamie and I were prior to the beginning of our relationship.

“It’s not that he’s not allowing me,” I start, in his defense. “he just wants me to be there to see all his friends.” Jamie snorts and lifts his brows slightly.

“Why can you no’ be with your own friends? I know you canna stand most of the higher administration.” I sigh and shrug my shoulders.

“It’s kind of expected of the CEO’s wife to be there whenever she can.” Jamie was right, however. I could hardly bear being around the majority of the higher-ups. Phillip Wylie was a flirt. Dougal Mackenzie was an ass. Robert St. Germain was skeezy. Jocasta Cameron was smarmy. The list goes on for miles.

“Aye, I suppose it is. Doesna’ make it right though.”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s right or not.” I resign. “It is what it is.” I give Jamie a small smile before glancing at my wristwatch. “Oh dear, I need to go pick up Faith.” 

“Sorry, again I was late for our lunch,” Jamie says as I begin to gather my belongings. I wave my hand dismissively.

“It’s alright. If I wasn’t leaving early today it would’ve been no big deal.”

“Still. This is always the highlight of my day. Reminds me of our old college days.” he grins. I release an exasperated breath while pulling my keys out of my purse and locking my office door.

“The only things I remember about our first year is blacking out every Friday and crying over Dr. Raymonds’ anatomy and physiology class three times a week.” Jamie follows me as I walk towards the car park.

“He was a terror.” Jamie agrees. “But he loved me so it wasn’t too bad.”

“That too!” I exclaim, hitting his arm gently. “I remember you always turning in half-ass work a week late and still full marks. It was infuriating.”

“I canna help it, Sassenach. It’s one of the many talents I was born with.” while I huff at the nickname of  _ Sassenach  _ it was another fond memory of the beginnings of Jamie and I’s friendship. I often had to ask his help to translate what people said to me with their thick Scottish accents. He never once made fun of me for asking, but  _ Sassenach  _ did become a permanent part of his vocabulary. “Christ, Claire, when did you get this?” he interrupts my trip down memory lane. I glance down at my brand new, white Maserati.

“Just yesterday,” I smile, proudly. “I meant to send you a photo but I forgot. One of the perks of being married to a man making seven figures a year.” Jamie’s eyes widen for a second then settle back to normal.

“I guess it is,” he says after a moment.

“I’ll let you drive it sometime, I promise.” I open the door and slide into the driver's seat. Jamie crouches down to peer inside, close enough that I can smell his favorite cologne. Burberry Amber Heath. His staple for the past nine years.

“Aye, she’s beautiful.” his hand gently grazes the steering wheel. “You better be serious about that offer because that would carry me through the rest of the week.”

“I’m serious. Tom leaves for a business trip on Sunday so we can try to do it then.” he stands back to his full height and steps backward so he can still look at me.

“It’s a date, Sassenach. Drive safe.” I nod and salute before shutting the door and peeling out of the lot.

* * *

“-and then we painted pictures of the outside, and then I put glitter on mine, and then we took a nap, and then I ate some oranges, and then you came and got me.” Faith chatters from her car seat in the back.

“Sounds like it was a fun day.” I smile at her through the rearview mirror.

“It was fun. Joanie and I played princess during playtime.” Faith fiddles with the hem of her uniform skirt and kicks her Mary-Jane clad feet back and forth.

“We should see if Joanie might like to have a little playdate sometime soon.” I turn out of the school and get onto the main road.

“Yes! That would be fun.” she continues to tell an incredibly detailed account of her time at daycare, including every single conversation she had and every single feeling she felt. It was normally the nanny picking her up at the end of the day, but since I had the extra time today I decided to spend as much of it with her as I could. From the moment I discovered I was pregnant, I made the firm decision to not be one of those parents who solely rely on nannies and caretakers and only use them when absolutely necessary. 

“Shit!” I shout, slamming on my breaks as the car in front of me halts to a stop. Craning my neck up to see the reason for why we were stopping, my heart drops when I see a small accident in the middle of the roadway. It didn’t look serious, thankfully, but given that this was a one-way street, I had no choice but to wait until it was cleared before I could get through. Tom would be home in half an hour and I would need to get supper started before then.

“Shit!” Faith repeats behind me. Momentarily distracted from my panic, I give my sternest look to her through the mirror.

“Don’t say that, darling. It’s an adult word.” despite my very best efforts to not swear in front of her, it’s nearly impossible to control the language coming from Tom constantly. She’s definitely heard worse, but we’re getting dangerously close to her repeating what she hears to her teachers or friends.

“Adult words are funny.” she giggles. “Daddy says ‘fuck’ a lot.”

“Faith Elizabeth Christie do not say that again.” I bite back a laugh at her little voice saying ‘fuck’.

“Yes, Mommy.” she returns to playing with the hem of her skirt and starts to sing some songs from a show she watches every night. I look back up to the accident ahead of me and see no change from before. 

_ Fuck was right then. _

* * *

It’s almost a full hour later when we’re finally pulling into the driveway leading up to our house. I pray to any God that will listen to me that Tom got held up with something at work or that he was stuck by the same accident, but no such luck. The sight of his car in the garage incites a familiar pit in my stomach.

After unhooking Faith from the car seat and entering the house, I immediately set her down to color at the kitchen table while I begin to cook our meal for the night.

“For Christs’ sake, Claire.” Toms’ voice booms through the large kitchen. I turn to face him, gripping the wooden spoon in my hand.

“What’s the matter, darling?” I ask.

“Does she really have to do that on the table? We eat there.” Faith looks up at her father before whipping her head to face me, waiting for my response.

“I’ll clean it well before we eat. I just wanted to keep her down here so she wouldn’t bother you if you were working.”

“It’s unsanitary. Move her somewhere else.” Tom opens the fridge to retrieve a bottle of white wine.

“Of course,” I reply. Faith has already gathered her books and markers by the time I reach the table and keeps her head hung low while I relocate her to the playroom upstairs. “Can you stay here until dinner, love? Is that alright?” she nods, her brown curls bouncing.

“I like coloring down there with you,” she says, quietly.

“I know you do, and I love spending time with you too, but your father appears to not be feeling well so we should just listen to what he says.” she nods again and gets back to work on the page she was on. With one last look, I close the door to her playroom and make my way back to the kitchen.

“Swear to God I have told you multiple times that I don’t like having all of her stuff down here. It makes the house look dirty.” Tom says, pouring what seems to already be a second glass of chardonnay.

“I know you have, I’m sorry. I just didn’t know if you were on the phone or something so I didn’t want to have her making too much noise upstairs. I promise it won’t happen again.” I pick the spoon back up and resume mixing the ricotta, egg, and spices together.

“I’m starving. Why were you so late today?” he steps closer while sipping from the glass.

“There was an accident just outside the daycare and I was stuck behind it for nearly an hour.” 

“Hmph,” Tom grunts, unimpressed. “When will all this be done?” 

“Once I get it in the oven, probably forty-five minutes.” I try to give him a small smile but it falters. He rolls his eyes and finishes his wine.

“Try to hurry, please. I have a lot to do tonight.”   
“Of course,” I respond, immediately. I pick up the bowl to bring it to the kitchen island but trip in my heels and it goes crashing to the ground, shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces.

“Jesus Christ!” Tom yells, jumping away from the mess. “Daft fucking woman, how hard is it to carry a fucking bowl!” my back stiffens while I scramble to figure out what to do first.  _ You’re a doctor, Beauchamp. You can clean up broken glass for heaven's sake.  _ I think to myself, but for some reason my feet feel frozen in place, trying to decide where to go first. “Are you deaf?”

“I-I’m sorry, I t-tripped.” I stutter. Tom steps straight over the glass and ricotta and grips my arms tightly. I flinch and try to curl my body inwards. 

“Is that what I asked?” he leans his face into mine. “I said ‘are you fucking deaf’?” I shake my head rapidly.

“No, I’m sorry.” the grip on my arms tighten causing me to release a small noise of pain.

“Clean this up.” he releases my arms and shoves me backward. I briefly lose my balance and grab the countertop to right myself. Tom stomps away from the kitchen and I hear him grab his coat from the rack. “I’ll go get dinner somewhere else. You can figure out what to do.” the door slams after him and I jump. Chances are, he’ll go to some swanky club with his friends and return late into the night smelling like whiskey and perfume. I stand stock-still in the kitchen for a minute trying to calm myself down.

He hadn’t always been this way. Our relationship started out fairly normally, if not maybe a touch controlling. Little comments about how I looked or acted were common, but not necessarily a deal-breaker. It slowly graduated to forcing me to have sex with him whenever he wanted, then moved onto shoves or slaps. I’m not sure how we got to where we are now, but being married with a child means I’m in too deep to just up and leave. If I’m being honest with myself, I already had doubts when he proposed, but when he wants to be, he is an amazing man with a large ability to love and cherish. While those moments are few and far between now, they always remind me of the incredible early months of our dating.

I break myself out of my reverie to mop up the food and sweep the glass from the floor. I suppose we will just have a salad for supper tonight.

“Mommy?” I hear a small voice call from the entrance to the kitchen. It’s only when I look up at Faith, I notice the tears coming down my face. I quickly wipe them away and throw the broken glass into the rubbish bin.

“Yes, darling? Is everything okay?” she clutches her stuffed rabbit to her chest.

“Did daddy leave?”

“He did,” I cross the room to pick her up and place her onto the counter. “I don’t think he’ll be home until late. I’m sorry but I ruined the lasagna for supper. Does salad sound okay?” she nods and looks at me with weary amber eyes.

“Was he mad?” my stomach tightens. I hate raising her this way. Afraid of her fathers’ temper and knowing to stay scarce when there’s yelling or shouting nearby.

“He was a little frustrated about the food, but it’s no big deal.” I paste a smile onto my face. “So it’ll just be us tonight. Would you like to color while we eat?”

“I can’t color at the table.” she purses her lips.

“Well then, we’ll eat in the den.” I ruffle her hair and pull the ingredients for the salad out of the fridge. Hopefully, my guess of Tom being home late is correct. He would lose his mind if he saw us eating in the family room. “Come on, let’s go get your markers.”

  
  



	2. Releasing the Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I-” I start, completely at a loss for words. Her head turns to stare out of the window. “Darling, you know that your father loves you very much, right?” 
> 
> “Yeah,” she says, fidgeting with her sweater.
> 
> “And so you know that since he loves you so, so much he would never hurt you. Not in a million, billion years. Right?” her lips form into a pout as her voice drops to a near whisper.
> 
> “But he loves you too and he still hurts you,”

As predicted, Tom didn’t come home until near dawn. I pretended to not notice the lipstick on his collar or the bite marks on his neck. I made that mistake once shortly after we got married and was left icing the bruises on my face for three days following. It’s better to simply leave it undiscussed.

“Do you need to go shopping before the party tomorrow?” Tom asks, sipping his coffee.

“I probably should,” I respond while trying to pull my unruly hair back. “I thought about wearing that red sheath dress but I can’t find it anywhere.” Tom just nods and returns to his newspaper.

“You can go after work if you’d like. I won’t be home until late so just let the nanny know.” I pull my shoes out of the rack and slip them on my feet before kissing his cheek and grabbing the car keys.

“I’ll see you later,” he barely looks up from the paper and gives a small sound in acknowledgment. “Are you ready, darling?” I ask Faith as she steps up onto the small stool in front of the sink to drop her dishes in.

“Yeah,” she responds quietly. It’s unusual for her to not already be bouncing off the wall before school, taking after me by being the definition of a morning-person. With one last small wave to Tom, we leave the house and get in the car to drive to the day-care.

“Are you feeling okay?” I ask after being on the road for a couple of minutes. She looks up at me through the rearview mirror and nods slightly.

“I didn’t wanna make Daddy madder if he was already in a bad mood,” she answers. My chest tightens slightly. As she gets older and becomes more perceptive of those around her, my fear grows that she’ll feel as if I failed her somehow. It’s my job as her mother to provide not only love and care but safety as well and clearly, if she’s only four-years-old and afraid to talk in front of her own father, I’m not doing that well.

“I-” I start, completely at a loss for words. Her head turns to stare out of the window. “Darling, you know that your father loves you very much, right?” 

“Yeah,” she says, fidgeting with her sweater.

“And so you know that since he loves you so, so much he would never hurt you. Not in a million, billion years. Right?” her lips form into a pout as her voice drops to a near whisper.

“But he loves you too and he still hurts you,” she says, sounding on the verge of tears. I fight to control the urge to cry, not wanting to upset her further. Empathetic to a fault, at the sight of any tears, Faith will launch into a complete meltdown. 

_ What the hell can I say to her?  _ I think. If I lie and say he doesn’t hurt me, then I’m enabling the thinking that what he does to me is okay and that if a future partner does the same to her it’s normal. If I tell the truth and say he does hurt me, I’m teaching her to accept abuse from others and ignore it. I see a small park up ahead and decide to turn there.

“We’re gonna be late!” Faith exclaims while I put the car into park and pull out my cell phone. I give the school a quick call saying that I’m running behind today and to expect Faith there in about an hour, then walk around to her side of the car to unhook her from the seat.

“Would you like to get something to eat?” I ask. She grabs my hand and walks along beside me.

“Can we get hot chocolate?” her whiskey-colored eyes stare up at me.

“Of course we can,” I say. “Now we can’t do this every day but today will be a special occasion.”

“If it’s a special occasion can you carry me?” she drops my hand and holds her little arms up. I laugh and scoop her up to keep walking. 

“Oh dear, you’re getting so big! It’s a wonder I can even lift you at all.”

“Mrs. Crook says she thinks I grew since last year, but I don’t remember how big I was last year.” Faith drops her head onto my shoulder and wraps her arms around my neck.

“I definitely know you’ve grown since last year. Soon enough, you’ll be taller than me.” Faith giggles and starts to play with my necklaces. We make our way to the small coffee stand in the park and I order Faith a small peppermint hot chocolate and chocolate muffin.

“Are you getting anything, Mommy?” she asks while we sit at a table so she can drink and eat.

“No, not today.” I smile. As of this morning, I was only three pounds away from being the weight I was a year before I got pregnant with Faith. Hopefully, this means I could buy a dress in a size two again to wear for the party tomorrow.

“Do you wanna share my muffin?” Faith breaks off a piece off the top of her muffin and thrusts it into my direction. Having always been a sucker for her little puppy dog eyes, I take the piece and eat it. It’s been so long since I’ve had anything with any semblance of sugar in it that I almost groan at how delicious it is.

“Thank you, baby. That was very kind of you.” she grins into her small mug of hot chocolate and starts kicking her feet back and forth, another habit inherited from me. “I was thinking, your father leaves for a business trip on Sunday, so would you like to maybe go out with me that day?”

“Yes!” she exclaims loudly. “Can we go to the zoo?”

“Of course we can. We can also go to the beach sometime that week as well. It will be rather chilly but still gorgeous.” Faiths’ smile widens as she hops and down in the seat. I go to look up the tickets for the zoo when I see a few texts from Jamie.

**Jamie Fraser:** Remind me to tell you, I have good news :)

**Jamie Fraser:** Are you coming in today?

**Jamie Fraser:** Waited outside your office for ten minutes looking like an idiot

I send him a quick reply that I would be there late today and that I would text him when I arrived. Seeing his name, however, I am reminded that I promised him he could drive my car on Sunday. I briefly consider rescheduling, but I know that Jamie and Faith both absolutely adore each other and she likely wouldn’t mind a slight detour on the way.

“Would you be alright with seeing Mr. Jamie on Sunday, as well?” her eyes light up and she grins.

“Can we please? He’s fun to play with because he’s so big that he can lift me up really high.” she lifts her hand up above her head to show just how high Jamie can hold her up.

“I’m sure he would love to play with you as well, love.” I make a mental note to ask him about it when I get to work later today.

“Sometimes I wish Mr. Fraser was my Daddy so that we could play all the time.” the remark in itself is harmless, but again does nothing to soothe the omnipresent guilt I feel about Faiths’ childhood.

“That would be fun wouldn’t it?”

* * *

It’s several hours later when I’m finally sitting at my desk to eat lunch. A salad with ham, turkey, and eggs has never looked so appealing.

“Thank God, Sassenach.” I look up to find Jamie resting his head against the doorframe.  “I’ve been waiting for ye’ to finally take yer lunch.” he drops into his usual chair and produces a container of what appears to be leftover curry. “I had to chat wi’ Nurse Hawkins for twenty minutes so I could see when ye’ finally got back.” a smile forms naturally at my lips.

“I tried my hardest to get away, believe me, but the lab was running behind today.” he nods in understanding and starts to eat. “Oh, you were going to tell me something. What is it?”

“Ta.” he wipes his hands on a napkin and puts the bowl down. “I was talkin’ to Dr. Duncan yesterday about the holiday party tomorrow and she was devastated you couldna’ make it, so we rescheduled it for Saturday so you can come.” I roll my eyes at the thought of Jamie and Geillis worried about me not being able to attend. And leave it to them so somehow pull enough strings to move an entire department party for one person.

“So it’s on Saturday now?” I pull out my calendar to leave a note.

“Aye. Same time as before, but a new day.” Jamie looks very proud of himself and I can’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm.

“I appreciate that, Dr. Fraser,” I say. “I’ll need to double-check with Tom and make sure the nanny can come, but it should be alright.” his eyebrows furrow.

“Can Tom no’ watch wee Faith?” he asks.

“I mean he can,” I shrug and stand to remove my white coat to replace it with my blazer before my meeting after lunch. “He just might have to prepare a bit for his trip. He-”

“Christ, Claire!” Jamie exclaims, interrupting me.

“What?” I ask, hands frozen on my blazer.

“What the hell happened to yer arms?” he rises from the chair and gently grabs my arm underneath the apparent hand-shaped bruise marks I failed to notice this morning. I flinch and subtly pull my arm away from his touch. 

“Shit,” I mumble. “I guess he was holding me harder than I thought.”

“Are these from Tom?” he makes to grab my arm again, but then thinks twice and drops his hands into his pockets.

“Well yes… but not in the way you’re thinking.” I quickly shrug on my blazer and sit back down in my chair. “I was feeling rather faint yesterday and started to fall over so he caught me.” Jamie looks unconvinced but nods anyway.

“I dinna ken what I’m more worried about. Him grabbin’ ye hard enough to leave marks or the fact that this is the first time I’ve seen ye’ eat in a week and ye’ say ye’ almost fainted yesterday.” he narrows his eyes in concern for me, causing me to blush and look away. 

“It really wasn’t like that. He was just nervous and panicked I guess.” I wring my hands together under the desk. “Besides, I didn’t even notice them until now so they don’t bother me much.”

“Sassenach,” Jamie checks to see if the office door is closed before leaning forward towards me. “Ye’d tell me if Tom was… if he was… hittin’ ye’. Right?” I can feel my flush deepen on my cheeks.

“Jamie, you know me. You know that if I was being treated unfairly I wouldn’t be able to stand it.” I force myself to place my hands on the desk so he can’t accuse me of seeming nervous.

“Aye, I do,” he says, slowly. “But I also ken how ye’ want to do what’s best for yer wee lass and think that stayin’ wi’ him is the best option.” my mouth drops open and I stiffen.

“How dare you accuse my husband of such a thing?” I pray he doesn’t hear my voice wavering.

“I’m no’ accusing him of anything, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” he reaches across to place his hand on top of my closed fist. Forcing myself to not jump at the contact, I let him keep it there. “So tell me truthfully, Claire. Are ye’ okay?” his blue eyes stare straight into mine, unblinking.

“Yes. I promise I’m fine.” he stares for a touch longer, then squeezes my fist and returns to his original sitting position. I sigh and bite my bottom lip. “I’m sorry, I know you’re just looking out for me. Things have just been very busy lately and I think I’m overtired.” the side of his mouth quirks up into a smirk.

“Sassenach, yer one of the hardest working people I’ve ever met in my life. I ken for a fact you’re likely overtired. You should really take a break sometime.”

“I am soon, thankfully.” I feel some of the tension release from my shoulders as I settle deeper into my chair. “Speaking of, I know I said you could drive my car on Sunday, but I made plans with Faith as well. Would you still like to come?” knowing how much Jamie loved any child he came across -and vice versa- I knew he would say yes.

“Aye, I would love to. What are you two lovely lasses doin’?”

“I think the zoo first, and maybe the beach as well. It’s really up to her.” I shrug. “When I asked her this morning if she would be okay making a quick stop to see you before we go she lit up and then went on for the rest of the morning about how much fun you are.” it’s now Jamies’ turn to blush. He gives a soft smile that seems to warm me up as well.

“She’s definitely a special one,” he says. His eyes find mine again, but they feel somewhat different than before. I’m not sure if it’s that they seem… softer somehow? I let myself look into the dazzling shade of blue before chuckling and looking down to my salad to start eating.

“That she is, Fraser,” I say. “That she is.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to comment, leave kudos, or bookmark! Have a great day!


	3. Pulling and Prying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I apologize if I offended you Claire, but Dr. Christie is right. You most certainly don’t need to be working anymore. If I were you I would love to retire early.”
> 
> “Dr. Beauchamp-Christie if you please, Mr. Wylie.” I place my hand on top of Toms and try to pry his fingers loose. “And no apology is necessary. I just feel very passionate about my work as well.” 
> 
> “I admire a woman who doesn’t let motherhood stop her from chasing her dreams,” says Jocasta from the seat across from mine. “It’s important for women to have something to do outside of the home.” I bite my cheek to keep the nasty retort I’m thinking of from escaping.

“-and that was when I finally decided that I had had enough!” I’m only half-listening to whatever tale Phillip Wylie is telling me. He swings his wine glass around without much care, spilling more of it onto the table than into his mouth. I sigh and glance around the large ballroom we’re in, trying desperately to find a clock to see just how much longer I need to be here. 

“Isn’t that ridiculous, Claire?” the feeling of Toms’ arm nudging mine as he laughs at Phillips’ story, interrupting my search.

“Oh, absolutely. I can’t believe she said that to you.” I hope that my response was suitable, and discover it is when the table continues talking normally. After a few more minutes, I chance a look at my watch while the others are distracted.  _ Just half an hour and you can leave.  _ Tom nudges my arm once more.

“Don’t check the time in front of the company, darling. It’s very rude,” he whispers into my ear. I mumble a half-hearted apology and fold my hands together under the table.

We had been at the hospital executives holiday party for going on six hours now and I was itching to go home. Between Phillip Wylies’ borderline insensitive stories, and Jocasta Camerons’ impossible ideas to expand the hospital, I feel as if I’m trapped in the inner circle of Dante’s Inferno. I would’ve much rather been at the table with the hospital lawyer Ned Gowan and Chief Financial Officer Dottie Grey but no such luck.

Thankfully, our young nanny needed to be leaving by one this morning so I had an excuse to leave early, leaving Tom to do as he pleased with the rest of the night.

“So tell me, Claire.” Phillip leans forward onto his elbows and peers directly at me. “How much longer do you think you’re going to stay working? It must be exhausting trying to raise your daughter at the same time, I imagine.” I give him a tight smile and clutch my fingers together to try and control myself.

“Well, Mr. Wylie, I plan to keep working as long as I’m physically able to. I didn’t go to school for an extra eight years for nothing.” I can see Tom roll his eyes from my peripherals.

“What he means is, now that I’m making plenty to support our family, your income isn’t really needed anymore,” he says.

“I understand that, but I wanted to be a doctor long before I became a mother. I don’t really see how that changes anything.” Phillips’s eyes widen as the table around me chuckles slightly. “I’m sorry did I say something funny?” Tom grabs my leg and squeezes it roughly.

“I apologize if I offended you Claire, but Dr. Christie is right. You most certainly don’t need to be working anymore. If I were you I would love to retire early.”

“ _ Dr. Beauchamp-Christie _ if you please, Mr. Wylie.” I place my hand on top of Toms and try to pry his fingers loose. “And no apology is necessary. I just feel very passionate about my work as well.” 

“I admire a woman who doesn’t let motherhood stop her from chasing her dreams,” says Jocasta from the seat across from mine. “It’s important for women to have something to do outside of the home.” I bite my cheek to keep the nasty retort I’m thinking of from escaping.

“Just so, Mrs. Cameron. I completely agree.” Tom finally removes his hand and I start to rub the numb area of my thigh to try and bring the feeling back.

“How is your little girl doing, by the way?” Jocasta asks. I open my mouth to respond but Tom speaks first,

“Very well,” he smiles. “One of the smartest in her class by far.”

“Taking after her brilliant father then.” Jocasta raises her glass in a toast. Tom grins proudly.

“Happy to say, she definitely is.” I toast with the rest of the table, then down the rest of my wine in one large sip.

“Speaking of Faith, I think it’s time for me to go relieve the nanny so she can go home.” Tom kisses me quickly and resumes the new conversation that has already started. I walk around the room, saying my goodbyes to the few friends I have among the administrators. Promises to get together soon are thrown around without much heart behind them. 

The moment I reach my car I rip my heels off and place them onto the passenger seat. After making sure that Toms’ earlier grab isn’t leaving a mark, I rub my sore feet and begin my journey home.

* * *

The nanny leaves shortly after I arrive, saying she will be back tomorrow to watch Faith while I’m at the genetics department holiday party. My heart warms every time I remember how much effort Jamie and Geillis put into moving the stupid little party just so I could attend. Despite the fact it will most likely just be a few doctors and nurses with bottles of champagne, I already know it will be infinitely more enjoyable.

Before retiring to my room to rest, I peek into Faiths’ bedroom to check on her. I move to the edge of her bed to watch her for just a moment. Unruly curls -unfortunately, identical to mine- have migrated all around her little face, so I gently push them behind her ears. Having sensed the movement, her eyes gently flutter open.

“Sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I whisper. She slowly sits up and rubs her eyes, before shifting to curl up in my lap.

“I missed you, Mommy,” she murmurs. I play with her hair in the way she likes and press a kiss to her ear.

“I missed you too,” I respond.

“There’s a letter for you in my backpack from Mrs. Crook.” I furrow my eyebrows.

“Did you do something?” I ask. She shakes her head and burrows deeper into my silk dress.

“No. She just told me to give it to you when I got home.” I nod even though she can’t see me and decide to stay until she falls back asleep. Before long, she’s become dead-weight again, so I move her back onto her pillow and under the comforter. Another quick kiss to her head, then I go to her bag to retrieve the letter. I spare one last glance at her sleeping form and close the door to head to my own room. I quickly change into pajamas and wash my makeup off. Once my night routine is finished, I grab the letter and recline onto my bed to read it.

_ To the Parents or Guardians of Faith Christie, _

_ After arriving at class today Faith appeared very tired and quite unlike her usual rowdy self. I asked how she was doing, and she confided in me that she’s been unable to sleep because she’s afraid of her mother getting hurt while she’s not there with her. Faith said that every time something bad happens to her mother she is told to leave the room, but when she’s there nothing bad happens. _

_ I’m not entirely sure if she’s referring to something completely innocent or innocuous, but I am concerned for her health and safety as well as that of her mothers’. Please send me an email so we can meet to discuss this issue, and see if there’s anything I can do to remedy this situation. _

_ Thank you, _

_ Elizabeth Crook _

_ Edinburgh Primary School _

  
  


My hands start to shake violently while I read the letter. There are far too many problems that can arise simply from a four-year-old confiding in her teacher. I re-read it multiple times and elect to tear it up and flush it down the toilet to ensure Tom will never see it. I pace back and forth in front of the bed, trying desperately to come up with a solution.  _ Should I even meet with her? Is it possible to arrange a meeting with her without Tom finding out and insisting he come along as well? What on Earth can I say?  _

It’s hard to not blame Faith for creating this minor catastrophe. She’s essentially branded her home as a place she’s even too afraid to sleep in, how can this not come back to me? I chew my fingernails to near stubs and beg my mind to quit racing for long enough to think of something, anything. 

When I’m positive I’ve gotten close to burning a hole in my hardwood floor I force myself to calm down.  _ Why is this all bubbling to the surface now?  _ In the past week alone both Jamie and Faith have caused me to truly question my relationship with Tom. In the many years we’ve been together I have never really doubted his love for me and mine for him, so  _ why  _ is it happening now?

_ Calm down, Beauchamp. You know he still loves you.  _ I repeat like a mantra to myself, hoping it’s enough to lull me to sleep.

* * *

I sent Mrs. Crook a brief email right after I woke up, and got a response within twenty minutes. We would meet before class started and hopefully resolve everything without too much issue.

“Are you staying all day?” Faith asks while we stroll into the school hand in hand.

“Not all day, no. I’m just meeting with your teacher before I go to work.” I smile down at her.

“Am I in trouble?” she asks, worried. I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

“When are you ever in trouble, my love?” she seems content with my answer and continues skipping through the parking lot. We’re greeted by Mrs. Crook at the front door as usual, but this time when she sees us her eyes soften and she places a soft hand on my arm.

“Meet me in the office to the left. I’ll be there in just a minute,” she says, next to my ear. “Good morning, Miss Faith.” Mrs. Crook squats down to give Faith a tight hug.

“Good morning! Joanie!” Faith grins as she spots one of her friends and drops my hand to run to her. “Love you, Mommy!” she shouts turning to face me briefly.

“She certainly seems to be in a better mood this morning,” says Mrs. Crook.

“I hope so. She definitely prefers when I drop her off in the morning as opposed to the nanny.” I twirl my wedding ring around my finger. “I’ll go wait in there.” she nods and continues greeting the rest of the students.

The room is quaintly decorated with a mix of paintings and artwork done by children. A kind-looking woman greets me and leads me to Mrs. Crook's office, which looks much the same as the main room. I busy myself with looking at her family pictures at her desk while I wait. It’s maybe ten minutes later when I hear the door open and close behind me.

“Sorry about that, Dr. Christie,” she says, sitting at the chair in front of me. 

“Call me Claire, please.” I wave my hand dismissively. “It was no problem.” I’m not sure what it is about her presence, but ever since I met her I have always felt a sense of calm envelop me whenever she’s near. I cling to that feeling of calm to attempt and soothe my anxiety.

“I ken ye need to get to work, so we’ll keep this brief.” I nod and cross my legs to keep them from shaking.  _ Why are you so nervous? This is just a simple meeting. _ “I hate to cut to the chase this way, but is everything okay at home? It’s very unlike wee Faith to not be bounding off the walls and talking to anyone who will spare a moment to listen.” I release a breathy laugh.

“Yes it is, and honestly I really appreciate you taking that notice.” she nods silently, urging me to continue. “To be quite frank, Tom and I are… in a bit of rough patch right now. With the stress of his promotion and all the added workload, I’m afraid we’ve been at each other's throats lately. We try our hardest to not fight around Faith but sometimes she can still hear us yelling while she’s upstairs.” I recite the practiced speech to her. She purses her lips in thought.

“But what does she mean about ye getting hurt while she’s no’ there?” she asks.

“Well, I’m a rather emotional person and tend to cry after we fight, so she assumes I’m hurt if she ever sees that since that’s what she does after a fall, or bumping her head. I promise I try to keep as much of this away from her as possible, but it can be difficult to hide absolutely everything all the time.”

“Aye, I ken that problem well,” she says. “Before me and my husband divorced it was nearly impossible to keep from screaming out heads off at every minor inconvenience.”

“This hopefully won’t lead to divorce,” I say, enjoying the feeling of the building tension starting to ebb away. “We just need to get over this hill, and we will with time.” Mrs. Crook reaches a hand across the desk to grab mine.

“You’re a kind woman, Claire, and Faith is a wee angel. I have no doubts whatsoever about how ye’re raising her but try as hard as ye can to shield her from all this. It can be verra damaging to someone as young as she is.” even though the words themselves pierce my heart in their accuracy, the underlying note of concern soothes it instantly. I can’t control what happens at home, but I can hopefully control how much Faith sees and hears.

“I’m trying,” I sigh. “I really, really am.”

“I ken,” she says, patting my hand then letting go. “I mean it. Yer’re a verra good mother, Claire.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” Mrs. Crook rises from the chair and brushes invisible dirt from her skirt.

“I’ll keep an eye on Faith to see if anything’s amiss.” I stand as well and shake her hand.

“I would love that. She normally tells me everything as soon as she can, but she might be trying to hide if she’s upset. I’m afraid she’s gotten that nasty trait from me.” 

“It can be a hard one to break, but make sure she always knows yer’re there for her. No matter what.” 

“I will. Thank you, again.”

“Think nothing of it. I want the best for all my students as well as their parents. Have a great day, Claire.”

* * *

I fail to hold in my laughter as Geillis tries to sing her rendition of  _ Baby It’s Cold Outside  _ as a solo. She switches back and forth between the male and female voice -only getting it right about 80% of the time- while clutching her flute of champagne in her right hand.

“Didn’t she say she was a professionally trained singer?” Jamie asks, leaning against my side. I stumble slightly and grab his arm to right myself. 

“She says a lot of things apparently. Lord knows how she became a doctor.” I giggle. The genetics department holiday party was in full swing now. I lost count of how many drinks I had by the fourth one and was now struggling to remain upright without gripping onto Jamie. He was in far better condition than most of us here, as he had a shift starting at seven the following morning.

“D’ye need to sit down, Sassenach? Yer’re swaying like a leaf.” he smiles.

“No, no I’m fine.” I look up at him, smiling as well. “This is just the first time I’ve had more than one glass of wine in six months. I am hungry though.”

“Glad to hear it. Let’s go grab something to eat.” he gently ushers me out of the main room and into one of the smaller ones just off of the hallway. My ears ring loudly as soon as we’re not right next to the karaoke speakers who had the unfortunate task of projecting Dr. Duncans’ voice. We walk together to the table covered in chips, sweets, pretzels, and dozens of other snacks brought by the staff. “What are ye hungry for?”

“I haven’t had any of these things in months... I can't decide. You pick for me.” I brace myself against the table while Jamie prepares a plate with a little bit of everything. “Is this just for me?” I ask after he hands me the heaping pile of food.

“Aye,” he answers, starting his own. “And I expect ye to eat all of it. Ye’ve been looking rather pale lately."

“Hardly my fault.” I pick up one of the pretzels and pop it into my mouth. “Toms’ been on my arse to lose the rest of the baby weight since Faith was born, which, by the way, I officially have lost all of it.” I attempt a small bow but feel the blood rush to my head so I quickly stand up straight.

“Is that why ye’ve no’ been eating these past few weeks?” Jamie tries to ask conversationally, but I can see the hint of concern in his eyes. Normally, I would deflect the conversation elsewhere, but I’m much too far gone to care at the moment, so I nod.

“I hardly have any time to go to the gym between work and Faith and everything, so I figured it would be quicker that way. He asked for it all to be gone by October and when it wasn’t he threw this huge fit about how I don’t care what he thinks and don’t appreciate him and all that nonsense.” I roll my eyes and eat another pretzel, my stomach already beginning to feel full.

“I dinna like that, Sassenach.” I start to put the plate back down onto the table but Jamie quickly picks it back up and forces a chip into my hand. He stares at me until I eat it. “And you shouldna’ either.”

“Regrettably, it doesn’t quite matter what I like or not.” half of me is telling myself to shut up and stop talking, whereas the other is reveling in the feeling of finally saying the things I’ve been thinking silently for years. “He tells me what to do, and I do it. That’s all.”

“That’s  _ all _ ?” he exclaims. “Claire, this man is controlling ye’.” he grabs my arm and pulls me down into a chair after I begin to sway again. I take a moment to unblur my vision then look at him.

“That’s how it’s always been with him, though. I don’t mind it normally because he just wants what’s best for me in the end.” I shrug. “I promise I love him. I do.”

“Claire…” he starts. “I really dinna like the sound of that.”

“Well, it is what it is.” I put my hands up and drop them into my lap. “We make it work for Faith. That’s all that matters to me. Can we get back to the party now, please?” I make to stand up but he blocks my way.

“Can ye sit down for just a minute? I’m scared yer gonna keel over any second now.”

“Fine. One more minute.” I hold up a finger. “But this is my one night away from home and I’m going to enjoy it, Dr. Fraser.” I’ve had enough of all this talking and really want to go back to everyone else. I don’t think Jamie will let me off the hook that easily.

“We’re going to talk about this later,” he says, confirming my earlier thought. I groan and throw my head back.

“Do we have to?” I whine. “I do enough thinking about it for a whole army. Talking about it makes it worse.”

“Claire, yer’re one of my closest friends and I care about ye, deeply,” he says, somehow far more serious than he was moments ago. “I don't think yer telling me the whole truth because ye dinna want to hurt the man, but that’s no' fair to ye. Promise me we can talk about this later.” I cross my arms and stay silent. “If ye don’t say yes we’re no’ going back to the party.”

“Fine,” I stubbornly relent. “Later.” he gives me a tight smile and helps me up from the chair. “Also, don’t let me drink anymore tonight.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the sporadic posting! I don't have any of this pre-written so I just write when I have time and post it whenever I can! Between working and school, I don't always have a ton of time, but writing is an easy way to de-stress so I try to do it as often as I can.  
> Also, I'm not sure how much longer this story is going to be, but I have some ideas for a few more chapters so we'll see!


	4. Gentle Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are ye’ lookin’ at, Sassenach?” he asks, interrupting my thoughts.
> 
> “I just love watching her have fun. It makes me happy.” he gives me the softest smile and looks into my eyes for a moment more, before putting his attention back to Faith.

Tom left for his trip this morning with a quick kiss and a “See you in two weeks.” Some of my time off coincided with his business, so I decided to take Faith out to do whatever she would like. Today we will be meeting Jamie after his shift so he could drive my car -he’s been talking about it nonstop this entire week-, then we’ll be going to the Edinburgh Zoo. We haven’t been since Faith was a little baby and since she now wants to be a zoologist, it will be perfect. The door to my bedroom swings open and within a second Faith is on top of me.

“Good morning!” she shouts, clamoring all over me.

“Good morning to you too,” I say. “Are you excited for today?”

“Yes! Can I wear my new pink dress?”

“Of course you can. Let’s go get dressed, then we can grab breakfast before we meet Mr. Jamie.”

I change into some bell-bottom jeans and a chunky sweater to help fight the chill of the day. After taming my curls with an iron, I have to force a pair of warm tights and a sweater on Faith. She claims she would be perfectly fine in just the dress and continues that argument until we actually step outside into the air. Instantly after feeling the wind, she quiets down and stuffs her hands into her pockets.

We spend two hours sipping on our hot drinks and walking around the mall. We buy some more winter clothes for the both of us as well as early Christmas presents for her. While Toms’ promotion has brought much hardship to our little family, the increased money in our joint bank account helps to ease some of that pain.

“Should we find a Christmas present for Mr. Jamie?” I suddenly ask. He leaves for an extended holiday break in a couple of weeks, to go visit his sister and new baby niece, not coming back until mid-January.

“What should we get him?” Faith places the hand not holding mine against her chin in thought. “What does he like?”

“Well, he likes horses, nature, and working out.”

“Let’s get him a horse!” Faith jumps up and down.

“I don’t think we can buy him a horse, love.” I laugh. “ I think he already has some, anyway.”

“He has horses? Can we go see them? Please, please, please!” she tugs aggressively on my hand.

“I’m afraid it’s not up to me whether we can go see them or not. We’ll have to ask when we see him.” I come up empty on ideas for gifts at the moment and will just have to revisit that thought later. We walk through the mall for another hour or two when I finally receive a message from Jamie.

**Jamie Fraser: Just got home! Drop by whenever :-)**

* * *

I drive into the parking garage underneath Jamies’ complex. He only lives about ten minutes away from me in a growing metropolitan area with new buildings popping up every month or so. His building in particular is one of the newer ones with huge penthouses throughout. I tell the man at the front desk I’m meeting Jamie and he directs me to the correct elevator. The doors open up to his hallway that only has the entrances for two separate flats. 

“Mr. Jamie!” Faith barrels toward his open arms after he greets us.

“Miss Faith!” he lifts her up high into his arms, eliciting an ear-splitting giggle from her. I follow them inside, smiling at how infatuated they both are with each other. “Don’t worry, Sassenach, I didna’ forget ye. Hi.” he grins.

“You have a gorgeous place, Jamie,” I say, looking around at the beautifully decorated, open-concept flat.

“Thank ye,” he responds, putting Faith back down onto the floor to play with his small, grey kitten. “Truth be told, my sister did most of the decoratin’. She’s an interior designer.”

“Mommy, look at this kitty!” Faith squeals, patting the poor thing on the head.

“Gentle, baby. You wouldn’t like it if someone touched you like that.” she nods and starts to pet the cat instead.

“That’s wee Adso,” Jamie points to the ball of pure fluff purring into Faiths’ hand. “Found him tryna’ keep warm under my car a month ago and I just had to keep him.” his eyes melt looking at the both of them.

“I would love to get her a pet, but since Tom and I are hardly home sometimes I would feel terrible saddling the nanny with all of that.”

“Did ye’ have pets growing up?” he asks, turning his attention to me.

“I had one dog when I was little, a Newfoundland, but after she passed my parents didn’t want to deal with another.” I shrug.

“We always had hoards of dogs and cats at Lallybroch, the farm that I told ye’ about. I figured a cat would be better than a dog here though because they don’t necessarily mind being left alone most of the day.”

“Mommy, ask him about the farm.” Faith interjects, eyebrows raised. 

“Why don’t you ask him?” I suggest. Jamie smirks at me, then looks at Faith. She blushes and crosses her feet underneath her.

“Ask away, a leannan.” I make a mental note to ask Jamie later what that word means. I’ve picked up some Gaelic, living in Scotland for several years, surrounded by born and bred Scots will do that to a person, but many of his little endearments are lost to me.

“Um, Mommy told me that you have horses.” Faith says, quietly.

“Aye, I do.” her eyes widen almost comically.

“Can I see them?” she asks, jumping to her feet. “Please?” she adds after a second.

“I dinna see why not. I’ll talk to yer Mam about figuring out a day you can come down.  It’s maybe a half-hour away from here.” I haven’t seen Faith smile this much in months and it warms me straight through to the core. 

“Yay!” Faith shouts and again launches herself at Jamie. With amazing ease, he lifts her up over his head and onto his shoulders. “How many horses do you have?” Faith wraps her arms under his chin.

“I dinna ken exactly. Maybe nine or so.” he does his best to peer up at her, which only causes her to tip slightly backward and break down into giggles. “So, Sassenach, are we ready?”

“I believe we are.” I tickle the backside of Faiths’ knee to hear her laugh again.

“Is Mr. Jamie coming with us to the zoo?” Faith’s head shoots up and she looks in my eyes excitedly.

“He’s just going for a drive with us, darling. I’m sure he’s very busy.” her face falls. 

“Can you do your work later?” she asks, looking down at him. Jamie turns to me, quirking his eyebrows in question. I answer with a slight shrug and a smile.

“Aye, I think I can. I’d love to join you two lovely lasses at the zoo.” I’ve lost count of how many ecstatic squeals Faith has let out since we arrived at Jamie's hardly five minutes ago. I turn away quickly to walk out the door so he can’t see the way my face flushed at the idea of him coming with us. He’s always been an amazing friend to me, but seeing him with Faith has begun to stir some uncomfortably warm feelings inside of me that I haven’t felt in years.

Jamie carries Faith on his shoulders the entire way down to the garage, alternating between spinning her around and dipping her towards the floor. I so desperately wished Tom had the same fatherly instincts that Jamie had. Both Tom and I were only children raised by strict doctors, so neither of us had a particularly fun childhood. Jamie was raised in a loving family with three siblings, meaning he was never short on ideas to make children laugh or have fun. It’s another thing I feel Faith is missing as she continues to grow.

When we reach the Maserati, Jamie places Faith onto her feet. He faces me with the exact same expression as a little boy seeing his mountains of Christmas presents for the first time. I pull the keys out of my purse and hold them above his open, eager hand.

“Listen carefully, Fraser. Bonnie here means the world to me. Take every single caution, don’t speed, use the blinkers, don’t try to parallel park if you aren’t completely certain you know how, and for the love of God don’t take us on any dirt roads.”

“Aye, Claire, I do know how to drive ye’ ken.” I narrow my eyes at him. He rolls his in turn. “Fine. I’ll be the safest driver you’ve ever seen.” I drop the keys into his hand and buckle Faith into her car seat in the back. By the time I get around to the front, Jamie is buckled in and closely examining the interior. “Bonnie?” he asks after I’ve fastened my seatbelt.

“Yes,” I reply, proudly. “I know you Scots call pretty people bonny, and since this car is absolutely gorgeous I figured it fit.”

“Bonny is right.” he presses the push-start button and grins as the display lights up. “I still canna believe you actually drive this. Remember yer wee Volkswagen?”

“Ugh, yes. That thing was a bloody nightmare. The stupid sunroof would leak every single time it rained, and in case you haven’t noticed, it rains far too often in Scotland.” I groan.

“No’ just Scotland. Britain too.” he jokes.

“I bought a new one maybe a week after I moved back there so I can safely say it was the Scottish weather that killed her.” Jamie laughs and starts the drive to the zoo.

* * *

“And what’s that one there?” Jamie asks Faith, holding her up so she can properly see into the enclosure.

“A lion!” she shouts, placing her hands on the glass and squishing her face against it.

“Aye, that’s right. That’s a big lion.” Throughout the entire day, Jamie never once tired of hoisting Faith up to help her see better, listening to her long-winded explanations of the different types of animals, or standing in a single exhibit for over half-an-hour trying to find what must be the tiniest, most hard to see creatures in existence. I lean against the railing and smile at the two of them. I’ve always known Jamie is just a child in a grown mans body, but seeing him truly enjoy the company of an excited four-year-old…

“What are ye’ lookin’ at, Sassenach?” he asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“I just love watching her have fun. It makes me happy.” he gives me the softest smile and looks into my eyes for a moment more, before putting his attention back to Faith.

“Where to now, princess?” Faith moves to stand between us and grabs both of our hands, the go-to walking position today.

“I wanna see the bunnies,” she answers, firmly.

“I don’t think they have rabbits here, darling. Not the ones you’re thinking of anyway.” her lips pout and she drops her head down.

“But I wanna see them,” she mumbles.

“I know you do, but they don’t usually keep bunnies in zoos.” she stomps her little feet and grunts.

“I want to see a bunny!” she starts crying and tugging on our hands. Faith normally isn’t one for meltdowns, but after walking all day, and subsequently missing her daily nap, she’s become more irritable.

“Sweetheart, if you keep crying we’re going to have to leave,” I tell her gently as we walk out of the lion exhibit.

“Mr. Jamie can you take me to see them?” she turns her puppy-dog eyes to him.

“Yer Mam is right, a thasgaidh. There are no bunnies to see here.” he places a gentle hand on her hair but she yanks herself away from him and puts her arms up at me to pick her up. She nuzzles her face into my neck while she cries and occasionally murmurs about bunnies. I rub her back soothingly and try to bounce her a little as we walk. “How is she mad at ye’ for no’ letting her see the bunnies but still only wants ye’ to comfort her?” Jamie asks, slightly stunned.

“Tom doesn’t quite know how to calm her down if she’s upset or frustrated, so no matter how angry or sad she is, I’m always the first person she turns to.” 

“Is that no' aggravating?” he asks, cautiously. I try to give him a stern look, but the care in his eyes stops it. I suddenly remember the conversation we had last night at the party. Drinking too much of the free alcohol loosened my inhibitions and therefore my tongue as well. I did promise him we would talk later. 

“Not here,” I reply, curtly. He nods, temporarily satisfied that I at least acknowledged our earlier conversation. I realize that Faith has grown limp in my arms and is now on her way to falling asleep. 

“Tuckered out already?” Jamie smoothly changes the subject back to her.

“Appears so. Poor thing has had  _ such  _ a rough day. All that having fun must’ve really worn her out.” I tease.

“It’s hard being four,” he shakes his and clicks his tongue. “Canna even imagine how much stress she’s under.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it. She told me that the other day in school she needed to remember a word for at least five letters of the alphabet.”

“Five?” Jamie exclaims. “That’s ridiculous. I dinna ken how she does it, the wee Einstein.” I laugh loudly, causing Faith to shift around in my arms. “Try to be a bit quieter, Dr. Beauchamp. She needs her rest.” I hit his arm with my free hand and he pretends to stumble to the side.

“Let’s get her back to the car before she wakes up and starts crying about bunnies again."

* * *

Later in the evening, Faith and I sit on my bed watching Mulan before she goes to bed. She’s curled up against my side while I respond to the dozens of emails that have come since I’ve been on break. Most are appointment confirmations for later in the week or replies from patients regarding medication or therapy changes. I’m nearly finished with the last one when without warning, Faith shoots straight up.

“I didn’t say goodbye to Mr. Jamie!” she shouts, looking thoroughly distressed. She slept the entire drive to Jamies’ apartment. We took advantage of her slumbering in the backseat by taking the long way back. I could easily tell that Jamie didn’t want to give up the keys to my car so soon, so I let him drive around for nearly an hour before deciding I needed to get Faith home.

“It’s alright, darling, he didn’t mind. He knew you were very, very tired today.” I say, trying to urge her to sit back down.

“You told me that it’s polite to always say ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’ when you’re done seeing someone!” she wiggles out from under my hand and places herself on top of my crossed legs.

“Well…” I start. Her face is set in a hard frown. “I suppose you’re right, I did say that didn’t I?”

“Can we call him?” she suggests. I glance at the time at the top of my computer. It’s only seven, so chances are he's not in bed yet.

“I guess we can. If he doesn’t answer though, I’ll just tell him when I see him next.” I grab my phone from the nightstand and turn it on. “Have I ever shown you how to make a phone call?” I realize this might be something she needs to know in the case of an emergency. She shakes her head. “Alright, let me show you really quick.”

“Okay,” she returns to her previous spot at my side and watches my phone.

“So what you do is click this little icon right here.” I point to the small phone icon with my finger. “An easy way for you to remember that is ‘green at the bottom of the screen’. See? It rhymes.”

“Green at the bottom of the screen,” she repeats, pointing to the icon.

“Very good. Now if there’s an emergency and I’m not there to help you, click these little dots and type ‘999’. Got it?”

“999. Who answers if I type that?” she asks.

“Someone called a dispatcher, and they’ll help you with whatever emergency you have. But make sure you  _ only  _ call it in an emergency.” I assert. “You’ll get in loads of trouble if you call them for no reason.”

“999, only for an emergency.”

“Perfect. Since we’re calling Mr. Jamie, we’ll click this little picture down here and find his name. You know the alphabet right?” she scrunches up her face and thinks for a minute.

“I don’t know words for every single letter.”

“Do you know what letter Mr. Jamie’s name starts with?”

“J!” she answers, proudly.

“Yes, very good! So since you know it starts with a J, you click the letter ‘J’ here on the side, and it will take you to all the names in my phone that start with a J. Now, Mr. Jamie’s last name is Fraser, which starts with a…?” she thinks a little longer this time, biting her lip in concentration. 

“F?” she asks.

“Yes! Which name here has both a ‘J’ and an ‘F’ in it?” I turn the phone to her to show her the screen better. Thankfully, I only have a few J names in my contacts, so it’s easy to pick out. She taps on Jamie Fraser and looks at me for confirmation. “Good job! You’re so smart, Faith. Now, just click the little phone right here and it will call him." She then taps on the calling icon and the phone begins to ring. I set it on speakerphone and let her hold it.

“Hello?” Jamie answers, after a couple of rings.

“Mr. Jamie? Someone realizes they didn’t get to say goodbye to you and wanted to do so now. Is this a good time?” I say. Jamie laughs through the phone and I can imagine the way his eyes crinkle at the edges.

“Aye, this is a fine time. I take it Miss Faith is wi’ you?”

“Hi!” Faith says, leaning towards the phone speaker.

“Hello, a leannan. Do ye’ have a message for me?”

“Thank you for coming to the zoo with me today and goodbye.” Faith grins at me, pleased with her manners. Jamie laughs again.

“It was my pleasure. By the way, I talked to my sister about letting you and yer Mam come to visit the horses and she said that she would love to see you both,” he tells us. Faith gasps and grabs at my arm.

“Then we will need to schedule that soon, won’t we?” I say, amused at Faiths’ gobsmacked expression.

“We most certainly do,” replies Jamie. “I appreciate ye’ calling me lass. I had a great time wi’ ye’ both today.”

“So did we,” I say. “I’ll talk to you later, Jamie.”

“Bye!” Faith interjects.

“Bye, bye.” Jamie chuckles then hangs up. Faith falls silent again, finally able to go back to sleep after accomplishing her mission. Within a few minutes, she’s gently snoring under the comforter. I flip off the television and lights and join her on the bed. I don’t quite have the heart to move her back to her room for the night so I let her stay. For the first time in months, I pass peacefully into sleep, with a distinct feeling of calm consuming me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! A happy chapter! Some rough seas are ahead but stick with me. I promise this story will have a happy ending.  
> Also, yes! Jamie's parents, as well as Willie and Robbie, are all alive! We'll hear more about Claire's family a bit later, but their story will be a bit different  
> P.S there's a hidden book reference in this chapter. Did anyone spot it? It's verrry small, but it's there.


	5. Burning My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Claire,” he interrupts. “You’re my best friend, and I care about ye’ verra much. Ye’ ken I’m worried.” I fight the urge to look away from him, instead clenching my fists together on my lap.
> 
> “Jamie, I appreciate your concern, but I promise that nothing is-”
> 
> “Why are ye’ lying to me?” he asks, softly.
> 
> “I am not lying to you!” I exclaim. I can feel my hands growing clammy and starting to shake. James Fraser is one of the most stubborn men I have ever encountered in my life. I know that I won’t be leaving this office without divulging the one and only thing in my life I want to keep hidden from him.
> 
> “Sassenach,” he sighs. “Ye’re a terrible liar.” I bite my lip and take several deep breaths. Do I need to do this? Is this where all of these signs have been pointing me to? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter contains domestic violence and if that is triggering to you, please be aware before reading!

Walking back into the hospital after three days off has done wonders to ease my omnipresent stress and anxiety. After returning from the day at the zoo with Faith and Jamie, I took my daughter to a small cottage on Portobello Beach. While it was still far too cold to actually go into the water, we spent two days walking along the coast, finding hole-in-the-wall restaurants to eat at, and bird watching in the sand. 

It’s been difficult to spend true quality time with Faith between my busy schedule as not only a doctor but the wife of the hospitals’ CEO as well. With charity events, dinners, galas, and dozens of other parties not suitable for a four-year-old, the only time I ever get is if I get home before her bedtime.

I enter the doors to my wing with a content smile. The other nurses and doctors ask about my trip and entertain all the pictures I show of Faith playing on the coast. We never had time to take her before now, so it was a completely new experience. I loved watching her discover all of the new experiences and finally be able to have fun without either of us constantly looking over our shoulders. For a brief moment, I considered inviting Jamie to come out with us for one of the days but decided against it. I know he had fun with us that one day, but I can’t imagine that spending hours with a mother and toddler would be the idea of a perfect time out.

“Dr. Beauchamp!” Jamie greets me as I pass by his office. “How was the beach?”

“It was beautiful,” I tell him as I rest against the doorframe. “And Faith absolutely adored it. She spent almost an hour going right up to the edge of the water then running away when the wave came.” I pull out my phone to show him one of the many videos I got from that day. He laughs watching her run away screaming, then going straight back as soon as it recedes. I start to pull my phone away, but he grabs it to keep scrolling through the photos. He looks through all them smiling and laughing, seeming genuinely interested.

“Sorry, I know there’s a ton in there,” I say.

“Dinna fash about that. Jennys’ the exact same way wi’ her bairns.” he finishes looking through the pictures, then hands my phone back. “She really is one of the cutest things.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I feel terrible for anyone that gets stuck in a conversation with me about her. Once I start I can’t stop myself.”

“I'll never mind,” he says. The pure honesty of his words is reflected through his eyes. It’s simply a mother thing to think that your child is the best one ever created, but having Jamie reassure the notion that Faith  _ really  _ is special, warms my heart. “So it was a good trip?”

“Absolutely. I really needed that time off. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get that again anytime soon, unfortunately.” I say.

“What do ye have to do this morning?” he asks, changing the subject.

“Just some paperwork and catching up on the things I missed. Why?” I furrow my eyebrows.

“Anything urgent or time-sensitive?” I slowly sink down into the plush, red chair in front of him.

“I have some meetings after lunch. Why?” I repeat.

“Ye’ promised we would talk, and you’ve been avoiding it.” he stares straight at me. I stiffen my spine and take a sharp breath in.  _ Of course, he wouldn’t forget. _

“So I did,” I say, slowly. “I’m not sure now is a very good time. You see-”

“Claire,” he interrupts. “You’re my best friend, and I care about ye’ verra much. Ye’ ken I’m worried.” I fight the urge to look away from him, instead clenching my fists together on my lap.

“Jamie, I appreciate your concern, but I promise that nothing is-”

“Why are ye’ lying to me?” he asks, softly.

“I am not lying to you!” I exclaim. I can feel my hands growing clammy and starting to shake. James Fraser is one of the most stubborn men I have ever encountered in my life. I know that I won’t be leaving this office without divulging the one and only thing in my life I want to keep hidden from him.

“Sassenach,” he sighs. “Ye’re a terrible liar.” I bite my lip and take several deep breaths.  _ Do I need to do this? Is this where all of these signs have been pointing me to?  _

“I…” I start. “It’s just that… Oh, God.” I drop my head into my hands and stay there for a moment. When I come back up, Jamie is still staring directly at me, silently waiting for me to continue. “It’s always been like this.” I finally admit.

“Been like what?” he matches my whisper.

“I-I don’t even know.” I run my hands through my hair and flop back onto the seat. Jamie walks around his desk to sit on the chair next to mine. I can see his hand begin to move forward to grasp mine, but stop.

“Tell me.” he insists, tenderly. Annoyingly, I feel tears burn in the backs of my eyes. I huff and try to wipe them away as soon as they fall.  _ Just get this over with, Beauchamp. _

“When we first started dating, Tom would say these… little things to me. Just… small comments about how I looked or-or how I acted, whatever I did that he didn’t like, he would tell me. All the time.” I’m quickly losing my battle against an onslaught of tears. Eventually, I decide to just let them fall as they pleased. “He hated that you and I were close. Absolutely hated it. That’s the reason I stopped talking to you, you know. I didn’t want to, but he made me.”

“Keep going,” Jamie says after I go silent for a minute. I steel myself by taking in large amounts of air. That horrid tingling feeling in my jaw appears after I realize I’ve been clenching it shut. I have to force myself to keep talking.

“I don’t remember when he changed,” I murmur. “But by the time we were engaged I was… terrified of him sometimes. He would get… oh, God, he would get  _ so _ angry at me over nothing. I would try so hard to do everything right, to do anything that I could to keep him happy but it never, ever worked.”

Jamie carefully moves his hand forward and grabs mine. When I don’t pull away, he squeezes it, gently. I let myself enjoy the feeling of his strong presence before continuing.

“There was this one time, back when I was pregnant with Faith, he was furious that I didn’t have the house cleaned before he got home. I tried to tell him that I wasn’t feeling well, but he kept calling me lazy and saying I didn’t care about him, and all of that.” the memory from that day floods my senses. The sound of him screaming. The smell of the whiskey pouring off of him. The look of his face flushed with alcohol and rage. The feeling of the hardwood floor against my front after he pushed me down when I tried to run away. “That’s what sent me into early labor with her. I almost lost my daughter because I didn’t clean the bloody house.”

“Christ,” Jamie gasps, quietly. Now that I’ve started, I feel as though I can’t stop. Everything starts to spill out of me through my tears.

“After she was born, everything was perfect for a while. He was so kind and-and thoughtful and everything that a perfect husband should be and I let myself fall into that cycle again. Whenever he would hit me, or push me, or grab me, or whatever he did to me, I would think about that time and convince myself that he was either stressed or I could be doing more around the home and that’s why he was acting like this.” I pause to remind myself to breathe. Jamies’ thumb moves back and forth across my knuckles. I use that feeling to ground myself to reality and not get swept up into the tornado that’s wreaking havoc inside my mind.

“Then he got his promotion a bit ago and now we’re right back to where we started. He despised the fact that I still hadn’t lost the baby weight from Faith because as his wife I have a standard that I need to uphold. I nearly killed myself trying to lose all of that so fast, and I thought he would be pleased, but he thinks it’s what I’m supposed to do for him.”  _ Jesus Christ, I’m so exhausted.  _ “And now… here I am. I’m just a sounding board, a-a punching bag for the man I love to release his anger.” I slump down and pull my hand away to scrub at my face.

Jamie stays perfectly silent after I finish. His mouth opens and closes a few times, trying to find the right words to say, if there are even any that could heal everything I spewed out at him.

“Claire,” he clears his throat. “I really, really hate to ask this, but has he ever… hurt Faith?” I whip around to face him.

“Oh no, never,” I say, quickly. “He loves her so much so he wouldn’t ever lay a finger on her. Besides, I always try to make sure she isn’t around when he’s in one of his moods.” he nods, solemnly, back in thought. A pit forms in the base of my stomach. I shouldn’t have told him. I’m not sure what possessed me to do such a foolish thing, but I can’t take it back now.

“Ye’ need to leave.” Jamie finally says. I release a mirthless laugh.

“You say that like I can just pack my things and walk out the door.”

“Why can ye’ no’?”

“Jamie, I don’t think you understand.” I force my voice to remain steady. “I love Tom. He’s the best man I know and he loves Faith and me with his entire being.”

“If he loved ye’ he wouldna’ be doing this shit to ye’.” his voice raises slightly.

“I’ll admit that he might need some help, but that’s no reason to up and leave him.”

“No reason? Sassenach, ye’ jus’ gave me a hundred reasons you need to leave no’ even five minutes ago!” a blush floods up his neck and ears. I don’t think I’ve once seen him this frustrated.

“It’s not ideal, but we all have to make sacrifices for those we love.” my regret from telling him now makes a sharp left into anger.

“Claire if ye’ really loved yer daughter ye’ would leave that miserable excuse for a man the instant ye’ could.” my vision turns red and I shoot up, sending the chair flying back to the floor. I place an accusatory finger against his chest.

“Don’t you dare say I don’t love my daughter.” I snarl. “Everything I do, I do for her. To keep her safe, and loved so don’t you fucking dare even insinuate that I don’t care for her.” I grab my purse from the ground and march towards the door.

“Claire, wait,” Jamie calls after me as my hand reaches the handle. I turn sharply. “I didna’ mean it like that. I ken ye’ love Faith and wouldna’ dream about putting her in danger.” he holds his hands up as if he’s trying to calm a rabid animal. In a way, he kind of is. 

“Then what exactly do you mean, Jamie?” I know that my anger towards him is misplaced, but hearing him voice the fear I’ve privately had that I’m endangering Faith in any way is destroying me. He licks his lips and his chest heaves up and down with his breath.

“Listen, I love ye’ both.  _ So  _ much.” his eyes dart around my face. “All I want in this life is for ye’ both to be safe, and I dinna think yer safe with Tom. At all.” my hand grips the knob so tight it digs into my palm. I look into his slanted, blue eyes, wild with concern. My mind is both racing and completely silent. I don’t know what to do next, but what I do know is that I can’t, under any circumstance, let Jamie continue to try and help me.

“If you really loved us,” I say, a deathly whisper. “You would let me figure this out on my own. I don’t need your help.” his face falls, and I can swear I see tears swim into his eyes.

“Claire,” he reaches his hand out to place on my arm, but I jump away and open the door.

“I don’t think I’ll have time to have lunch with you today. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I walk out of his office without staying to see his reaction. He doesn’t follow me. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying again. 

The horrible, evil truth is, that Jamie is right. Completely, and totally right. Every single word he said is what I needed to hear, but I refuse to let them take over me. I don’t love Tom the way I used to, but there isn’t anything I can do about it now. I’m forever tied to him whether I like it or not. It breaks my heart to resign myself to this life of misery and constant terror. No matter how I feel, I will be stuck with him. Forever. The best I can do is pray to God that Faith stays safe.

I don’t remember getting to my office, but I’m suddenly sitting underneath my desk, quietly sobbing.  _ I hate this. I fucking, fucking hate this.  _ My nails rake through my hair, making it even frizzier than it normally is, but I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t exist for myself anymore, after all. My sole purpose in life lies with others around me. I’ll die trying to keep Tom happy, and Faith protected. There’s no time to care about myself.

The voice of my mother floats into my head, uninvited.

_ “Claire, my darling,”  _ her soft, angelic tone flows through me like warm water. 

“Mama,” I find myself gasping, screwing my eyes shut. “Mama, please help me.” I lost her so young that the memory of her grows fainter and fainter with every passing day. She and my father were killed in a car accident the day before my twelfth birthday. I don’t remember much of the few years following the accident, but I do remember feeling so helplessly lost without her. While that feeling faded with time and healing, it occasionally reappears at times when I need it the least. 

_ “I love you, baby.”  _ was the last thing she said to me, and what I hear echo inside my ears now. The crushing weight of her loss threatens to consume me.

“What do I do?” I ask no one. There’s very little I wouldn’t do to raise Julia Beauchamp from the dead to speak with me right now or wrap me up as she used to when I was small and hold me.  _ Dear Lord, I want someone to hold me.  _

_ “Listen,”  _ she says to me. At that exact moment, I hear footsteps approach my door and stop. I don’t move from under the desk, but hold my breath to stay quiet and do as she says. There is silence for an unknown amount of time before the footsteps slowly walk away. It must’ve been Jamie. I war with myself to stand and run to him, to collapse into his arms and give me the comfort I’m craving but remain frozen. 

The footsteps don’t return.

* * *

It must be nearly two hours before I finally stop crying and move again. No matter how hard I try, I know that I won’t be able to focus on anything today. I gather my things and make the decision to work from home. I tell Nurse Hawkins to move my meetings to be over the phone, and leave the hospital. It’s Saturday, so Faith will be home with Marsali, the nanny, and Tom isn’t due back for another week at least. I’ll ask Marsali if she wouldn’t mind staying while I work.

The drive home is quiet and long. The past several weeks have done nothing but conflict with me further. The joy of spending time with Faith, the anger at Jamie for making me realize things I didn’t want to, the crushing sadness of the loss of my parents. I feel as if I don’t inhabit my body. As if I’m watching myself move and act on its own accord, helpless to do anything but observe as everything crashes down around me. 

I pull into my driveway and don’t see Marsalis’ car. Fergus must’ve dropped her off, then. After a brief check of my appearance in the mirror to ensure that I don’t look like an absolute wreck, I pull myself together and enter the house. There’s clanging around the kitchen, but no voices.

“Marsali?” I call, placing my purse on the hook and toeing off my heels. “Would you mind terribly if I-” I freeze in my steps. Tom stands at the counter with an almost empty bottle of zinfandel and glass in front of him.

“Claire,” he slurs, slightly.

“You’re home early,” I say, dumbly.

“Obviously,” he pours the rest of the bottle into his glass and finishes it with a quick swig. “I’m afraid we have some things we need to discuss.”

“Oh?” the shock of seeing him is fading, getting replaced by anxiety. “What would that be, darling?” he fumbles in his pocket for his phone, then glances up at me.

“You look wretched,” he grunts, before thumbing through his phone. I don’t speak, waiting for him. He lifts his screen up to me. “Care to explain this,  _ darling _ ?” I take tentative steps forward to see what he’s showing me. It’s a photograph from the holiday party a few days ago.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you mean.” he huffs and zooms in on Jamie and I standing next to each other.

“Do you want to tell me why you’re there wrapped in another man's arms?” Jamie did in fact have his arm around me, but just around my waist like the rest of the people in the picture.

“It’s just a photo,” I reply, picking at my cuticles.

“You see, my dearest, it’s not just one photo.” he proceeds to scroll through a dozen pictures of Jamie and me at different times during the party. One of us sitting next to each other laughing at Geillis’ attempt at karaoke, another of us standing away from the group of nurses talking with our heads turned into each other, on and on. “How long have you been fucking him?” Tom asks. My eyebrows shoot up.

“I’m not fucking Jamie, Tom, we’re just friends.” I know in that instant it was the wrong thing to say.

“Friends? With James Fraser?” he places his phone roughly onto the counter. “Did I or did I not forbid you from talking to him years ago?” I take an instinctive step back as he steps forward.

“You did,” I mumble.

“Speak up,” he takes another step.

“You did,” I say, louder.

“I thought so.” another step. “So why on earth do I now find photos of you clearly disobeying my orders?” all the blood seems to have disappeared from my veins, leaving me ice cold and shivering.

“I-I…” I can’t find any words. He smirks, the side of his mouth quirking up.

“Nothing?” I try again, but no sound comes out. He shakes his head and chuckles. “I know I should’ve dealt with this months ago. Foolishly, I thought I could trust my own wife to stay faithful to me, but guess I was wrong.”   


“Tom, I swear that nothing like that has even come close to happening.” I shake. “I’m sorry for not obeying you, but I can assure you that we’re just friends.” without warning, his hand cracks against the side of my face, temporarily making me see stars. Before I can right myself, he has his hand in my hair, cranking my head back to look up at him.

“How can I trust you when you constantly ignore what I say?” he’s close enough to smell the wine on his breath. 

“I’m sorry,” I heave. He slaps my face again and yanks my hair hard enough to make me cry out.

“Little late for that now, isn’t it?” he picks his phone back up and dials the number to the genetics department at the hospital. “Tell them you won’t be in for two weeks,” he says as he presses the call button.

“I can’t do that,” his hand moves to my throat and grips it tightly. He leans in close to me.

“Do it,” he growls. He goes back to my hair and fists it. I cough and try valiantly to restore the air.

“Edinburgh Royal Infirmary Genetics, how can I help you?” the voice of Mary Hawkins says through the phone.

“Mary? It’s Claire Christie.” I wheeze.

“Claire? Is everything alright?” she asks. Tom grips tighter. 

“Yes, yes everything is fine.” tears spring into my eyes and I struggle to sound steady. “I needed to let you know that I won’t be able to come in for the next couple of weeks.” for a moment there is no sound, save for the ringing in my ears.

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, but there’s been a family emergency that I need to deal with. Move my appointments to either Dr. Duncan or Dr. Abernathy.” Tom releases his hold on my hair and I gasp in relief.

“Oh, okay.” I hear her typing. “Will Dr. Christie need time off too? I can include him in the email to human resources as well.”

“That would be lovely, Mary. Thank you.” Tom says.

“Of course,” she sounds surprised to hear Toms’ voice. “I’ll send this right now.”

“Thank you,” I say. Tom hangs up the phone and cracks his knuckles. My heart has dropped out of my body, replaced entirely with dread. “Where’s Faith?” I chance words.

“Out with Marsali,” he answers simply. He shifts his dark gaze to me and I fear I might throw up. “Go upstairs.” my feet remain planted on the floor in front of him. “Do not make me ask again.” I nod and turn to head to our bedroom. The stairs quake under my feet, and it’s a wonder I even make it to the room given how heavy my legs feel. I sit on the bed and wait until I hear Tom enter, walking to tower over me. “You’re going to regret everything you’ve done, my sweet Claire.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning, things are going to get worse before they get better, but trust me, they will get better soon! Claire has made some important revelations and now just needs to act on them.


	6. Angry Red Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hmm,” he sighs, dropping his head onto my shoulder. “I love seeing you like this.” Toms’ thumb rubs circles around one of the bruises on my hip, pressing slightly into it.
> 
> “Like what?” I ask through gritted teeth to keep myself from crying out.
> 
> “All… quiet and submissive.” he sways slightly behind me and I can feel him chuckle against my back. “Finally obeying me. Took you long enough.” I push air through my nose as some semblance of a laugh. He kisses the side of my neck before pulling away and grabbing water from the fridge. “What time will Marsali be here?” he asks.
> 
> It’s truly baffling how such a benign question can frighten me so. I know he’s waiting for Faith to be out of the house before inflicting his next “lesson” on me.
> 
> “Soon. Maybe twenty minutes.” I reply. “Would you like some strawberries?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter contains domestic violence, so if that is triggering to you please read with caution!

My eyes peel open on day number eight of being sequestered in my home. I haven’t been able to manage more than a couple of hours of rest each night, despite the fact that I feel bone-deep exhaustion every minute of every day. Tom snores deeply next to me, illuminated by the pale, dusty light creeping in from the window. Given his usual schedule, I have about twenty-five minutes to shower and get ready for the day before he wakes up.

Forcing my aching legs out of the bed, I tiptoe to the bathroom as silently as possible. With the lock to the bathroom door in place and my sleep clothes in the hamper, I begin the examination for today. The deep purple bruises on my face have faded into a pale yellow and will likely be gone by the time I return to work. My left eye is still slightly swollen and red, but not too bad anymore. The incredibly unpleasant ache all over my body has also lessened in severity, but still makes its presence known with every move I make. I eventually tear my eyes away from the mirror to step into the already steaming shower.

The hot water cascades down my bruised and sore body and I struggle to not just stand under the stream forever. 

It’s been eight days. Eight days of being essentially held prisoner by my own husband. The first two days had been the worst. Non-stop berating and beating for forty-eight hours straight. It continued much the same throughout the following days, but since I was returning to work in five days I was able to convince him to ease up at least a little bit. It would be impossible to explain to my coworkers how I leave for two weeks for a “family emergency” and then return with black eyes and a split lip.

At the thought of my coworkers, my stomach tightens. As soon as I had a moment to myself I hid my phone inside a box of tampons under the sink. I wasn’t sure if Jamie would try to reach out to me or not, but if Tom were to see it could lead to something much worse than what is happening now. There is nothing I want more at this moment than Jamie. Just seconds after storming out of his office last week, I instantly regretted what I had said to him. I  _ do  _ need his help. Desperately. My skewed sense of self-preservation has rejected any help I’ve ever been offered. It would have been so easy to simply tell him everything and let him lead me and Faith away from Tom. But of course…

I realize with a start that I’ve been in the shower for far too long. Both Tom and Faith will likely be awake soon and I will need to be downstairs and ready. After quickly applying some makeup and throwing on a pair of leggings, I make my way to Faiths’ bedroom. The light from the open door rouses her slightly.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I say while gently nudging her awake. Her school is now out for holiday break, but since I hate her being here while Tom is home, she’s been spending most of the break with her nanny. “Marsali will be here soon so we need to get you ready,” she grunts softly and burrows further into her blankets.

“I want to stay here today,” she says, voice muffled. I pull the comforter away from her face and carefully lift her to a sitting position.

“I know you do but you know you’ll have loads of fun with her, right?” her round amber eyes peer into mine. Now more than ever am I so grateful she takes more after me than her father.

“But I’ve been with her a lot. I want to be with you.” she pouts. I run my hands through her unruly curls.

“I’m sorry, baby.” is all I can think to say. Used to decisions being made with little room for argument, Faith nods and grabs my hand to go down to the kitchen. 

“Is Daddy still here?” she asks while I cut the fruit for her breakfast. Ever the observant child, she’s been staying away and quiet whenever she is in the house. 

“He is,” I answer, regrettably. “I think he goes back to work in a couple of days, though.” she falls silent again and starts playing with her treasured stuffed rabbit on the floor by my feet. 

“Miss Bunny said that she thinks we should go back to the beach.” my heart breaks at the sight of her miserably sad face looking up at me. She’s been so afraid and timid with Tom around so much more than usual. I force a smile to my face and slowly crouch down to her level, cursing the pain shooting up from my legs into my back.

“Miss Bunny is very smart, isn’t she?” I pat the toy on the head. “Maybe during the summer we can. We could even go swimming then.” Faiths’ expression falls as I speak.

“Why can’t we go now?” she moves her gaze to her fingers as she fiddles with Miss Bunny.

“I’m afraid I’ve used up all of my time off,”  _ all of it and more.  _ “So we will need to wait a bit.” 

The sound of Toms’ footsteps on the stairs sends Faith darting up and running to the mudroom to put her shoes on. I pull myself up with the help of the countertop and continue to slice the fruit. His large arms suddenly appear around my waist and I fight the urge to shrink away from them.

“Hmm,” he sighs, dropping his head onto my shoulder. “I love seeing you like this.” Toms’ thumb rubs circles around one of the bruises on my hip, pressing slightly into it.

“Like what?” I ask through gritted teeth to keep myself from crying out.

“All… quiet and submissive.” he sways slightly behind me and I can feel him chuckle against my back. “Finally obeying me. Took you long enough.” I push air through my nose as some semblance of a laugh. He kisses the side of my neck before pulling away and grabbing water from the fridge. “What time will Marsali be here?” he asks.

It’s truly baffling how such a benign question can frighten me so. I know he’s waiting for Faith to be out of the house before inflicting his next “lesson” on me.

“Soon. Maybe twenty minutes.” I reply. “Would you like some strawberries?”

“Sure. Put them on the table.” he becomes distracted by his phone and steps out of the kitchen. Faith reappears not a full minute later.

“Can you help me tie my shoes, please?” 

“Of course. Come over here.” I sit down onto the bench at our dining table and hoist her into my lap to tie the small, pink trainers. After finishing, she makes no move to return to the floor. Instead, she turns to face me and cuddles into my chest. Immediately wrapping my arms around her frame, she melts into me.

“I’m scared, Mommy,” she whispers. Her little voice breaking with the sound of tears makes me feel as if the world begins to crush me one bone at a time.  _ I have failed her. Completely and utterly failed her. _ I’m grateful my parents can’t see me now. They would be so disappointed to see how far their only child had fallen.

“You don’t need to be scared, love,” I say, rocking her back and forth. “You don’t need to be scared as long as I am with you.” she pulls away from me, tears running down her face. 

“But what if Daddy hurts you and you disappear?” her lower lip trembles. The floodgates shatter then and my tears flood from my eyes. I grab her tightly against me and hold her as hard as my shaking arms can.

“I’m so sorry… oh dear God, Faith, I am so sorry.” I cry. She hiccups against my front and curls up as small as she can. I fervently try to think of any possible way to escape from the house. Tom took both my car keys as well as my wallet so driving or hailing a taxi is out of the question. We live in a secluded neighborhood that’s miles away from the nearest village, and I’m not sure I would be able to make it very far before he realized we were gone. 

Are we trapped here forever? What if he never lets me return to work? Tom would never leave his position at the infirmary, but he makes more than enough to support us in any way we need. He could very easily tell me to submit my letter of resignation and I would have no choice but to obey.

I’ve become so wrapped up in these thoughts I fail to notice Tom reenter the kitchen, talking on the phone.

“Thank you so much for helping us out these past few months. We really appreciate it,” he says, glaring daggers into both Faith and me. I hastily wipe away any stray tears on my face and sit up straight. When I stand up, however, he puts up a silent hand, forcing me to sit back down. “I’ll give you a call when we need you next. Thanks again, Marsali.” he hangs up the call, and drops his hand.

“What was that about?” I ask, already fearing the worst. Why isn’t Marsali coming anymore? If it weren’t for the terrifying glint in his eyes I would assume he maybe wanted to spend the day with Faith. My heart beats painfully against my chest and I pull Faith impossibly closer to me.

“I just made an incredibly unfortunate discovery,” he says, walking to stand directly about us. My throat tightens and I have to force my next words out.

“And what would that be?” I shake. He opens his phone and clicks through it for a while, not making a single sound. Faith has gone completely still in my arms, with the exception of her uneven breathing. 

“Don’t think that I didn’t notice your hidden phone.” he finally says after a couple of minutes. “Frankly, I didn’t care enough to look through it as I suspected you would’ve deleted anything that I wouldn’t like.” I shouldn’t have been stupid enough to think it would escape his notice. “However, I remembered earlier this morning that everything you do on that phone gets sent to me.”

“W-what?” I stutter. “Since when?”

“Several years now,” he says, casually as if he’s telling me how long he’s had his car. “I used to check it very regularly but I’ve cut you some slack in recent months.” I rebel against the impulse to laugh.  _ This is what he considers cutting me some slack?  _

“Well… I um-... appreciate that.” he rolls his eyes and keeps thumbing through his phone.

“I’m not sure what made me think of it this morning, but I decided to go in and check to see if there was anything amiss.” he takes another step, now almost touching me. “I expect you to answer me honestly, Claire.”

“Of course,” I respond with no hesitation. “Always,”

“Why did you go out with Jamie Fraser?” I still, while Faith perks up slightly at the sound of Jamie’s name. Tom immediately shifts his eyes to her. “Do you know him, Faith?” she nods her head, not quite looking at her father.

“He’s one of Mommy's’ friends,” she says. Without warning, Tom reaches down and snatches Faith from my arms. She lets out a small scream in surprise and tries to wiggle away from him. I bolt up from the seat and lunge towards him, but he senses my movements and shoves me back down.

“Don’t be so dramatic, love. I’m not going to do anything.” Tom says, holding me down by my shoulder.

“You better not fucking touch her.” I snarl, trying my best to glare at him.

“Threatening me, huh?” he shifts his body away from mine, moving Faith farther away. She continues trying to escape his grasp but stops when he wraps his arm around her back. “I don’t think that’s the wisest course of action right now.” 

I need to weigh my options carefully. The majority of my thoughts tell me to keep fighting to get her back, but at the same time, I know that he has the upper hand. What’s best is to stay exactly where I am, even though the sight of her horrified expression with tears pouring down her red face destroys me. Faith breathes heavily, begging me with her eyes to help her. Tom turns his head to face her, moving further away from me.

“Now,” he says, placing Faith onto her feet and kneeling in front of her, hands gripping her arms. “Tell me what you know about Jamie Fraser.”

“I don’t know,” Faith says, wiping her face.

“You don’t know?” he raises his eyebrows and pulls her closer. I flinch slightly and he freezes me with a hand again. My knuckles turn white with how hard I’m gripping the table. “You know that he’s a friend of your Mothers’, right? Have you ever seen him talking to her?” Faith looks over to me, trembling.

“Tom let her go. She’s-” I start.

“Let her answer the fucking question!” he interrupts sharply. “Answer me, Faith. Now.”

“Daddy, I don’t know.” 

My poor baby. She knows that Tom knowing about Jamie would send him into a craze. She’s hurting herself trying to save me. 

“You’re lying to me. You know how much I hate liars.” Faith pulls Miss Bunny up to her face and hides herself in it. “Put down your fucking rabbit!” Tom grabs the stuffed animal from Faith and in one quick move, rips its head off and throws the two pieces behind him.

“Miss Bunny!” Faith screams, launching her body forwards. Tom shoves his hand against her chest, pushing her to the floor.

“No!” I move to grab anything. His hair, his shirt, his jacket, anything to pull him away. “Get the hell off of her!” he thankfully leaves her alone and turns his attention to me. Faith takes the momentary distraction to sprint away from the kitchen, and I hear her feet running up the stairs.

The relief is fleeting, however, as within seconds I’m seeing stars following Toms’ hand cracking against my face. He shoves me against the wall and holds me there.

“I’ve seen everything, Claire,” he growls, face flushed with rage. I don’t know how he found my phone, but it’s suddenly being held up in front of my face. “All of your texts, pictures, internet searches, whatever you do, I see. I saw all the texts with Jamie. All of those times you’ve talked about getting lunch, him asking you about your day, you letting him drive your car, coming with you to the zoo, all of it. Every single thing.”

“Tom, it doesn’t mean anything. I promise I won’t ever talk to him again if you just let me go.” his hold on me tightens, pressing his fingertips painfully into my already bruised sides.

“How can I ever trust your promises again? You’ve done nothing but lie to me.” I swear I can almost see tears in her eyes, through the anger and fury. 

“Please,” my voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “Please,”

His grip moves to my throat and squeezes it tightly. My vision swims in front of me, blurring his image. I fear I might pass out in mere minutes. If I lose consciousness now, I will have no way of protecting Faith from him.

“You bitch,” he seethes. “You have no idea what you’re putting me through. I have lost so much because of you.” 

“What I’m putting  _ you  _ through?” unsure of where this voice is coming from, I decide to follow it. “I’ve done nothing but love you, and support you for years.”

“You think fucking another man behind my back is an act of love?” he chuckles deeply.

“I’m not fucking him!” I claw at his arms which is doing nothing but making him squeeze harder.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” he places his forehead against mine. “As long as I am still drawing breath on this earth, you will  _ never  _ get anywhere near him again. Am I understood?” I don’t respond, instead, pursing my lips and holding them closed. He slams me roughly into the wall. “Am I understood?!”

I’m only aware for about five more seconds before I feel him punch the side of my face and drop me onto the floor, my mind going black as soon as my head hits the hardwood.

* * *

Jamie finds himself staring into space again while trying to enter patient information into his computer. It’s been eight days since he’s heard from Claire at all. He assumes she’s working completely from home, not wanting to risk running into him. Since the moment she left his office his thoughts have been consumed by her. He’s been worried for her since she returned to Scotland with that monster of a husband and while he doesn’t regret voicing his opinions on that fact, he regrets not  _ actually  _ helping her. Forcing her to leave him. Now, Jamie is not even sure if he’ll ever see her again.

A knock at the door snaps him from his thoughts. He looks up and finds Geillis standing nervously in the doorway.

“Can I help ye’?” he asks, harsher than he intended.

“Aye,” she says, closing the door and biting her lip. “Have ye’ heard from Claire at all?” 

“Last I talked to her was over a week ago,” he answers. “Why? Is something amiss  then?”

“Well… she moved all of her appointments to Joe and me and she hasn’t replied to a single one of my messages about patients or anything. I’m startin’ to worry.”

“She moved her appointments?” he asks, furrowing his brows. This was new information to him. She would normally shift anything to him if she was going to be out of the office, and vice versa. Geillis nods, wringing her hands together.

“It’s no’ like her to go completely awol like this.”

“Wait, you havena’ heard from her at all? I thought she was jus’ ignoring me.” a pit forms in his stomach. Was she in danger? Her or wee Faith?

“A few days ago one of the nurses told me that I needed to take her appointments but I never heard anything from her after that.”

“Which nurse?” Jamie stands and storms towards the nurses' station.

“Hawkins,” Geillis answers, walking close on his heels. He reaches the desk and is grateful to find Mary sitting behind the computer.

“Nurse Hawkins,” says Jamie.

“Dr. Fraser. Dr. Duncan. How can I help you?”

“Where’s Dr. Beauchamp-Christie?” Geillis asks. Marys’ eyes widen and she looks nervously around to ensure that no one else is listening.

“I’m not sure exactly, but she called and told me that she needed two weeks off for a family emergency,” she whispers. Mary could get into serious trouble if anyone else were to find out that she was releasing this information, but she is just as worried as they are. “I haven’t heard from her since.”

“Did she say what the emergency was?” Mary shakes her head.

“No. Just that they both needed two weeks off.”

“They?” Jamie interrupts.

“Her and Dr. Christie. He told me to submit it for the both of them."

“Tom wasna’ supposed to be home that day. He was on some business trip.” the pit in Jamies’ stomach grows deeper.

“We talked on the phone,” Mary shrugs. Jamie looks between the two women. He suddenly walks back to his office to gather his things and leave for Claires’ house. 

He throws things into his case with reckless abandon, not quite seeing what he’s putting and where. Just as he’s shrugging his coat on, his phone starts buzzing on the desk. He ignores it initially, whatever it is can wait. It finally silences, then immediately starts up again. Leaning over the desk to figure out who’s calling, his heart drops when he sees Claire’s name and photo lighting up his screen. With fumbling fingers, he presses the answer button.

“Claire? Christ, I’ve been so worried about ye’ lass. What’s-?” he’s cut off by a small voice on the other side of the line.

“Mr. Jamie?” Faith says, voice shaking pitifully through his speaker.

“Faith? Faith, is that you a leannan?” Jame is frozen in his spot.

“Mr. Jamie, I need help.” he can hear the fear clear as day coming out of the terrified little girl.

“What’s goin’ on? Where’s your Mam?” while he already has a suspicion of the answer, he needs to make sure.

“She’s not waking up,” she answers, starting to audibly cry now. “She’s bleeding,” Jamie runs as fast as he can to his car, shoving people out of his way the entire way down.

“I’m on my way, lass. Dinna fash.” he pants while peeling out of the parking garage. “Stay on the line with me. Where’s your Da’?”

“He left. He was here with Mommy downstairs and he started to hurt me so Mommy stopped him and I ran away.” Jamie whips around all of the traffic, paying no mind to the speed limit. He needs to get there as fast as possible. “I didn’t mean to but I was scared.”

“No, you did everything right, Faith. Just stay wi’ your Mam, okay? I ken yer scared but she needs you. Aye?” 

“Okay,” she answers, shuddering. “Please hurry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! Whether you're celebrating Diwali, Hanukkah, or Christmas, I wish you the happiest of days!  
> Only a couple of chapters left, however, I was thinking of making a second arc for this story. Would that be something anyone would be interested in?
> 
> Hope y'all have an amazing day!


	7. Ripped Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Descriptions of abuse in this chapter so please read with caution!

Jamie rushes to Claires’ house with no regard for the speed limit or traffic signs. The normally thirty-minute drive takes him only eight, and he thanks every God in existence that he wasn’t pulled over. He whips his car into the driveway and quickly shuts it off.

“Alright, Faith. This is me coming into the house. Dinna be scared,” he says into his phone before hanging it up. The instant he swings the front door open he sees Faith sprinting towards him and barreling into his arms. He knew from how she sounded on the phone that she was already crying, but actually seeing her anguished face breaks his heart. “Where’s yer Mam?” he asks, rubbing gentle circles on her back.

“The kitchen,” she responds while wiping her nose on his t-shirt. He’s only been over to this house a few times. All of which were for parties with easily over two-hundred guests, so it looks incredibly different, completely empty and in the daylight. It’s a very large house, but thankfully he seems to remember where the kitchen is. The sight of Claire lying broken and bruised on the floor nearly kills him. 

When he was in the first years of his doctorate program he had to take a semester-long class on trauma medical care. He doesn’t remember all of it, but the basics come flooding back to him. 

She’s laying on her right side with her hands placed in front of her stomach, one of them so purple and swollen that Jamie is sure it must be broken. The backs of her hands, as well as most of her visible body, is covered in contusions ranging in severity. Jamie also notices her shattered cell phone near her on the ground. He doesn’t have to look long to see the blood inside the cracks.  _ Is that the phone Faith used to call him? Did she have to wipe away her own Mothers’ blood to see the screen?  _ He pushes the terrible thought from his mind and forces himself to crouch down beside her to assess her condition. He carefully rolls her onto her back and straightens out her neck.  _ Christ.  _ He thinks to himself.  _ She’s tiny.  _

Never in the many years of their friendship has he ever seen her this small. Claire’s always been a lithe woman, but this is completely different. He can see the bones of her shoulder jutting through her shirt, and her hands feel cold as ice.

The first thing he discerns is the blood coming from her forehead and nose. The gash on the forehead will most likely leave a scar but doesn’t seem too serious. Possibly a concussion as well. The nose has already slowed bleeding and doesn’t seem to be broken. One of her eyes is swollen and purple, whereas the other just has a small, healing mark underneath. Her lip is split, but not bleeding anymore, thankfully. Her body is a mosaic of new and old bruises and marks. He feels as if he’s about to shatter if he looks for a second longer. Jamie recites the ABC’s of trauma medicine in his head over and over. Airways, breathing, and circulation. 

He delicately tilts her jaw up and head back to check her airways. She releases five normal breaths so he knows her airways are clear. Her breathing isn’t ragged or short so that’s all fine as well. Finally, he checks the pulse points on her neck -flinching at the sight of a hand-shaped bruise around it,- and wrists. Her heart is beating slightly faster than normal, but nothing too out of the ordinary. 

Sometime during his examination, her fingers began to twitch and when he lifted her eyelid to look at her eyes, they were already darting back and forth. She should hopefully be waking up soon.

Faith stayed completely silent from the moment he put her onto the floor. She sat next to Claires’ side, her head resting on her stomach. She had stopped crying but hadn’t moved her eyes from her Mothers’ face. Jamie was indescribably proud of her. She had been so brave and calm the entire time they’d been on the phone, even when she had been alone with her unconscious Mother, bleeding on the floor.  _ Christ. She was a brave wee thing.  _

“Is she going to be okay?” Faith asks, darting her eyes to him briefly, before returning to Claire.

“Aye, I think so,” he replies. He pulls out his phone to call an ambulance, as he wasn’t completely sure he’d caught everything. After all, he still has no idea what all happened to her. He remembered something about not asking children about traumatic events right after they occurred because they might get some of the details wrong. He decides to wait and find out later. Jamie wouldn’t be able to stand if he hurt Faith further with his questioning.

Before he’s able to call 999, he hears a small groan come from Claire. Both he and Faith jump up and stare at her. Claire starts to move her side to side, so Jamie places a light hand on it to stop her moving. Her amber eyes suddenly fly open and before he has time to process that she’s awake, she’s curled up against the wall, arms covering her head.

“Please,” she cries, voice hoarse and muffled. “Please stop. I’m sorry,” she takes gasping breaths and pulls tighter and tighter into herself. Faith had leaped away at Claires’ sudden movement and is now behind Jamie with her head just barely peeking out. 

“Claire,” Jamie says, softly. He says her name a couple of more times but doesn’t get any response from her. He desperately wants to reach out his hand to touch her but knows that could potentially frighten her more. “Sassenach,” he finally tries. “It’s me, lass. It’s Jamie.” her shaking hands still slightly, and she slowly pulls down her arms to gaze at him. She breaths unevenly, eyes darting across his face.

“I’m going to be sick.” Jamie has just enough time to reach and pull her hair back as she retches onto the floor. Definitely a concussion then. Claire convulses a few more times before releasing a sputtering breath and coughing. He doesn’t see any blood in the vomit on the floor which he takes as a good sign. She unlikely has any internal damage.

“Faith, lass, can ye’ grab a towel?” Faith had moved further away and was now standing next to the table. She nods and starts to turn.

“Faith?” says Claire, stopping her daughter. “Oh darling, your bunny. Go get my sewing kit from upstairs and I’ll fix her.” Claire makes to stand up but only manages to push herself slightly off the floor before collapsing back down.

“Sassenach, I think ye have a concussion. Dinna move, please.”

“No, no I feel fine.” she waves a dismissive hand and tries to move again. This time, the moment she shifts her legs underneath her, her eyes roll to the back of her head and she becomes limp in his arm again. Jamie pulls off his coat to rest it under her head while he begins to call 999 again.

“Is she dead?” Faith whispers behind him. He scoots away from Claire to hold the little girl. She instantly curls up into him and starts to cry.

“She’s no’ dead, a leannan. Yer Mam hurt her head a wee bit and her body needs to rest.” Jamie runs his hand through the curls so similar to Claires’ and rocks her back and forth. “I’m calling the ambulance now, and they’re going to put her into a big car wi’ lights flashing on it. Ye canna ride in it wi’ her, so I’ll drive us right behind it the entire time. Okay?” she nods and sniffs.

“Emergency. Which services do you require?” says the operator through the phone.

“I need an ambulance to 8430 Merchiston Park. My friend is unconscious and I think she has a concussion as well.” despite the nerves running through Jamie, he fights to keep his voice calm and steady for Faiths’ sake. She’s been through far too much today for him to let his own fear show.

“There’s an ambulance about ten minutes away from your location. What happened to her?” he hears the operator typing furiously on a keyboard.

“I dinna ken exactly what, but I ken it was her husband.” his heart pounds at the thought of Tom Christie. Jamie has no idea where the man is now, but God help him when he finds out.

“Is there anyone else in the house?”

“Aye, I’m wi’ her daughter now.” Claire moans again, and Faith leaves his lap to resume her position next to her. “She’s the one that called me here.”

“How old is the daughter? Did she see what happened?” asks the operator.

“She’s only four. I’m no’ sure if she did.”

“Is she injured as well?” while Jamie didn’t check Faith thoroughly, she seemed to be moving fine and wasn’t complaining about anything hurting.

“I dinna think so, no.”

“Alright, sir. The ambulance is on its way."

* * *

They arrived at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary just minutes after the ambulance. Dr. Grey had recognized Claire immediately as he had accompanied his cousin Dottie to numerous special occasions hosted by the administration at the hospital. John told Jamie that he wasn’t particularly close to Claire, but had always enjoyed her company at those dreadful events.

Grey and his team had taken Claire for testing to determine the extent of her injuries, both internal and external. Jamie was walking with Faith around the hospital to try and distract her. Right now, Faith was seated on Jamies’ shoulders as they explored different hallways together. While Jamie did work at this hospital, he never really paid much attention to anything past the 5th floor.

“What’s that?” Faith asks, pointing to a large painting of a beach.

“That’s a lighthouse,” he answers.

“What’s it do?” she kicks her little feet back and forth.

“It warns the sailors when they get too close to the shore.” she makes a small noise of understanding and moves on.

“I’m hungry,” she says after a few more minutes.

“What are ye’ hungry for?” he swings her back over his head to crouch down and face her.

“Ice cream,” Faith gives what her mother would likely call “puppy-dog” eyes, but he immediately gives in.

“Aye, we can do that.” he knows he shouldn’t be giving a child this much sugar before noon -as if he could ever deny her. They walk through to the cafeteria and he lets her order whatever she wants. It’s not until they're sitting at a nearby table eating their makeshift lunch that Faith begins to show her true state. Her eyes start to droop and her head lolls onto Jamies’ chest every few minutes.

“Do we need to go find somewhere to sleep, a leannan?” he asks. She sits up and wipes at her eyes.

“No. I wanna stay awake,” she says. Faith places her cup of ice cream onto the table and yawns again.

“I think ye’ need to get some rest,” Jamie throws their trash away and picks her up to walk to his office so she can nap on the couch in there. Faith continues to make half-hearted, sleepy arguments while he carries her. By the time he’s putting his jacket over her to act as a blanket, she’s sound asleep.

Since his little distraction is now snoring across the room, Jamie tries to find something else to do while he waits for the call from John. Thankfully, Geillis had the foresight to reschedule his few appointments for the day, but he’s still terribly behind on everything else. He’s spent the better part of the last week and a half trying to find a way to mend the bridge with Claire. Since he now knows she wasn’t just working from home… Jamie doesn’t even want to think about what horrors she’s been dealing with.

Claire has always been one of the most self-sufficient people he’s ever met in his life. Never asking for help when she needs it most. It was one of the many things he adored about her, but today he curses it. She doesn’t deserve whatever hell Tom has been putting her through. Her or Faith.

“Ahem,” someone clears their throat from the hall just outside his door. He glances up to see Nurse Hawkins fidgeting with her fingers in front of two uniform-clad police officers as well as a kind-looking woman in a suit.

“How can I help ye’?” he asks.

“These people are here to see Claires’ daughter,” says Mary. She gives a brief introduction, then quickly scuttles away.

“Dr. Fraser, I’m Elizabeth Wemyss. I’m a social worker through Police Scotland.” she shakes Jamies’ hand firmly and looks over to Faith curled up on the couch. “Is that Faith Christie?”

“Aye, it is. She called me for help this morning so I’ve been wi’ her ever since.” Mrs. Weymss nods and produces a folder from her bag.

“I hate to wake her, but we need to have a little conversation.” Jamie doesn’t want to wake her either but knows that this is for Claires’ sake. Jamie walks over to the couch and gently shakes her shoulder. Faith clearly wasn’t too deep into sleep as her eyes shoot open immediately. She looks frightened to suddenly be in an unfamiliar room, but when her gaze lands on Jamie she calms.

“These kind people need to talk to ye’, lass. Can you do that?” Jamie asks. Faith sits up and looks at them with a wary expression.

“Hello, Faith.” says Mrs. Wemyss. “You can call me Lizzie.” Faith ignores her completely.

“Why?” she asks Jamie.

“They need to know what happened today,” he replies. Faith looks over to Lizzie. 

“It won’t take very long, darling. Just a few minutes. I promise. Then we can bring you right back to Dr. Fraser here.” Faith remains silent for a few more moments but then nods.

“Mr. Jamie? Can you please get Miss Bunny?” Jamie had seen the torn rabbit when he entered the house but hadn’t thought to grab it for her. Almost anytime Jamie had ever seen Faith, she was carrying that stuffed toy in tow. To think that it was likely Tom that deliberately destroyed it…

“I’m afraid I didna’ grab her, lass,” he says, slowly.

“She’s in the car.” Faith answers. Jamie chuckles and ruffles her hair. 

“Aye, I can go grab her. I’ll get one of the doctors to take a look at her as well.” Faith appears pleased with the answer and grabs Lizzies’ outstretched hand to follow the three of them out of the office. He watches them walk until they’re completely out of sight, likely going into one of the conference rooms designed for children that come in for appointments.

Jamie runs down to his car in the lot and finds the torn bunny in the back seat. He brings it back up his floor and to one of the available nurses.

“Do ye’ think ye’ have time to sew this up? It’s for Claires’ daughter.” he tells Louise. As it normally does, word spread like wildfire through the hospital. Everyone in this department now knew at least that Claire had been admitted, but some knew a bit more. Geillis and Mary specifically knew it had something to do with Tom. However, Jamie wasn’t going to share anything until he had a chance to speak with Claire. He hopes he’ll have news about her before Faith is finished.

While he walks back to his office with the fixed bunny, he glances into the conference room. Faith is sat at a table coloring, while Lizzie and one of the other officers type on some laptops. He doesn’t linger, content with the knowledge that she seems to be under control. He puts the toy down onto the couch where she was previously napping and returns to his desk. 

It’s another several hours before John finally calls. Jamie is sitting with Faith -Miss Bunny clutched tight in her arms,- on his lap while they watch a movie from his computer. 

“You can bring her up now,” John says through the phone. “She’s been drifting between awake and not since she came in, but for right now, she’s doing just fine.” Jamie barely waits to hear the rest before he and Faith are riding the elevator to the overnight floor, her small body almost vibrating with excitement.

“Ye’ need to be very careful in there, lass. Yer Mam is still hurt.” Jamie says while they walk to Claires’ wing.

“I know,” Faith says, tugging on Jamies’ hand to make him move faster. They reach the door to her room right as one John is walking out. He smiles at the both of them.

“Hello, darling,” John says to Faith. “Your Mother is very excited to see you.” Faith grins and pushes on the door to open it further. “Can you meet me back out here after you take her in?”

“Aye,” Jamie nods and picks Faith up to enter the room.

Claire is laying down on the bed with her eyes closed. There’s a fresh set of stitches across her forehead, and her left hand is wrapped in a temporary splint. Her body hosts a number of other bandages and wraps, but otherwise, she already looks far better. 

He approaches her quietly, careful to not wake her if she’s sleeping, but when he gets to the foot of the bed her eyes open and instantly fill with tears.

“Oh, Faith.” she cries, and reaches out her unbandaged right arm out to her. Jamie gently places Faith onto the bed and steps back. Both Claire and Faith are crying now, wrapped tightly in each other's arms. As much as he wants to stay, John is waiting for him back outside. With one last short glance, he turns and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.

John directs him to an empty sitting area with a few tables and chairs.

“How was Faith?” John asks after they’ve both taken a seat.

“Poor lass was scared to death.” Jamie sighs, running a hand through his much too long curls. When Faith returned from talking with the social worker, she was hushed and reserved. She spent the first half-hour cuddling with Miss Bunny on the couch, not making a single sound. It took Jamie several minutes of coaxing to get her to eat a bit more and sit down with him.

“So she was the one that called you?”

“Aye,” Jamie nods. “I dinna ken exactly what she saw this morning, but it must’ve been dreadful.” 

“She’s a tough little thing. Just like her mother.” Jamie smiles and relaxes slightly. He’s been wound impossibly tight since the moment Faith called. “I know it’s not my place, but I’m approaching this as one friend of Claires’ to another. It was that horrendous bastard of a husband, wasn’t it?” Jamie pauses. Is it breaking Claires’ trust to speak to John this way? He doesn’t think it’s possible to maintain the lie she had been now that Faith has spoken with both the police and social workers.

“It did,” he resolves. “Faith told me he had gotten frustrated at her sometime this morning and it just… blew up.”

“I never liked him.” John grimaces. “Both Dottie and I always thought he was a slag. Does anyone know where he is?” Jamie shakes his head.

“Dinna ken. He didna’ come to work today, but Faith said that he had left not long before she called me. I’m sure the police must be out looking for him now.” Jamie hopes to God that they find him soon. He has no idea where he might go, but is positive that Tom knew exactly what he had done.

“They’ll find him. He couldn’t have gotten far.” Jamie huffs in agreement. He finds his fists clenching involuntarily. He wishes they could just kill the man and be done with it.

“How’s Claire?” he asks, changing the subject.

“She’ll be just fine.” John smiles softly. “The hand is the most concerning. Nearly all the carpal bones were shattered, along with the middle and ring finger. We put some pins in there to help straighten them out. With a few months and physical therapy, it should eventually return to normal function. The concussion was fairly moderate, but not severe enough that rest and some medication won’t help. The gash on the head will leave a scar, but not too big. Overall, I would say she was pretty lucky, all things considering.” Jamie takes in the words and lets them wash over him.  _ She would be okay.  _ Maybe not complete for a while, but okay.

“Thank ye’, John. Truly.” 

* * *

I swim in and out of unconsciousness. I know I’m at the hospital now, but it seems every time I open my eyes I’m inside a different room. The last few times I’ve awoken, I’ve been laying in the same bed in what must be one of the admitted rooms. My head aches fiercely even though the lights are dimmed to near darkness.

When I wake again, there’s a familiar weight splayed across my body. Faith is fast asleep with her head tucked into my chest, my hand in her hair. She looks so peaceful and serene. Absolutely beautiful. I did a brief examination of her, to the best of my abilities, and deemed her to not be hurt. I have no way of knowing what time it is now, but I assume it to be some time in the early evening. I wonder if Jamie remembered to put her down for a nap today.

I gasp at the memory of Jamie. I was too delirious both times I saw him that I wasn’t able to fully register his presence. How did he know to come to get me? Did he see Tom there? The tirade of thoughts makes my head pound. I close my eyes again and release a deep breath. 

I must’ve fallen back asleep because I’m jolted awake by the sound of the door opening. My eyes, not yet adjusted to the now full darkness, squint at the light pouring in.

“Who’s there?” I whisper, careful not to disturb the still sleeping Faith.

“Sorry, Sassenach.” says Jamie, matching my whisper. “I didna’ ken ye’ were sleeping. I’ll come back later.” he starts to close the door but I stop him.

“No, wait,” I say. “You can come in. Turn up the lights a bit.” he shuts the door and slowly raises the light switch until I tell him to stop. 

He shoves his hands into his pockets and treads carefully to the bed. Both of us, having fallen wordless, stare at each other. He’s smiling gently, but I can see the creases of concern at the corners of his eyes.

“Hi,” I finally say.

“Hi,” he replies.

“You can sit if you’d like.” I nod my head in the direction of the chair next to me. He shuffles over to it and sits. We look at each other for a while longer, neither of us knowing what to say. He coughs and rubs his hands together.

“How are ye’ feeling?”

“Alright,” I answer. He raises his eyebrows a touch. “My head hurts the worst, but really I feel just fine.” he seems momentarily satisfied. I lick my dry lips and return to twisting Faiths’ curls around my finger. “Thank you.” I eventually mumble, suddenly unable to look at him.

“Och, dinna thank me. She’s a joy to be around.” 

“No, no. Not for that. W-well, yes for that. Thank you.” I stumble over my words, surprisingly nervous. “I meant… thank you for… t-trying to…” I break off with a sigh. Jamies’ hand appears on top of mine.

“It’s okay, lass. I understand.” 

“No, I need to say it.” I breathe heavily through my nose, trying to stop the throbbing in my brain. “Th-thank you for being there for me. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“Sassenach, you-”

“Let me finish,” I cut him off. “I acted monstrously towards you before… everything happened. For that I’m incredibly sorry.” he moves as if he’s about to speak again, but I continue. “I knew that you were trying to help me and it terrified me. No one has ever cared that much for me so I had no idea how to deal with it.” his thumb starts to move back and forth across my hand. “The only thing I knew how to do was ignore it… so that’s what I did.”

I’m not sure when I started to weep again, but the tears pour out of me with no end in sight. 

“Maybe if I had listened to you sooner we could’ve avoided this whole mess and Faith… I… I can’t believe that I’ve put her through all of this.” I look down at the angel on top of me. She has a small smile on her lips as she sleeps. It’s a look from her I haven’t seen in months. “It makes me a terrible mother, I know, but I didn’t know what to do. Tom has so much power over me I was afraid he could destroy everything I’ve built for myself and I couldn’t let that happen. I let all of that shit cloud my judgment and I let what I thought was his love for me take over my life and-” I’m choked by a sob in my throat. Jamie doesn’t speak. He knows I need to release everything. I take a few steadying breaths, drawing strength from the closeness of my daughter.

“What I’m trying to say is… thank you for not giving up on me.” I at long last look back at Jamie. His eyes glare into mine with so much care and adoration that I nearly disintegrate. “I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for you. Thank you.” I notice that Jamie is crying now as well. He stands up and looms above me, then tenderly grabs the sides of my face with his hands and places a kiss on my forehead, careful to avoid touching the stitches. He pulls just centimeters away, close enough to where I can feel his breath tickle me.

“Claire,” he says my name with a reverence I never before thought possible. “I would do anything for ye’. Ye’ know that. I promise that no matter what befalls ye’, I will always be there.” he kisses my forehead again and pulls away to smile at Faith. “For you and wee Faith, as well.”

Words have left me once more. I squeeze his hand, hoping he understands all of the feelings I’m trying to convey. He presses my hand to his lips. 

He understands.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Claire is safe!  
> I think there will be maybe one to two more chapters for this arc, then be on the look out for the next one! It will be exploring Claire and Faiths' life following the events of this story.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and all of the kind comments!


	8. Finally Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Domestic violence is discussed in this chapter so please read with caution!

I got the call that they found Tom about a week after I was released from the hospital. He had fled to his friend Phillip Wylies’ house after believing he had killed me when I fell unconscious and was discovered to be hiding there after Wylie panicked and called the police. I had been sitting on the couch in Jamies’ living room, listening as the officer told me more details that I don’t remember. He was in jail now, awaiting trial. The judge used both Faith and my testimonies during the hearing and he was set to appear in court again in three weeks.

Faith and I had been staying at Jamies’ apartment since I was discharged. He was at Lallybroch for the rest of the holidays, and since I still was too frightened to enter my own home, we’ve been here. He offered to stay with us but I couldn’t bear to take up any more of his time than I already had. Faith didn’t mind the new arrangement though. She loved being able to play with little Adso all day. He was nervous of her at first -he was, after all, used to a calm tempered giant and not a hyperactive little girl,- but they get along wonderfully now. He even spends the majority of his nights asleep curled up next to her in the guest room.

I, on the other hand, was still racked with perpetual anxiety. For what, I’m not entirely sure. Realistically, I know that I’m not in any danger anymore, but that doesn’t stop me from laying awake throughout the night and constantly looking over my shoulder. I partially regret sending Jamie away, but I don’t know how I would be able to handle constantly being around a man right now. Again, I’ve never had even the slightest feeling that Jamie would hurt either Faith or me at all, so I’m able to make precisely zero sense of my emotions and thoughts.

Right now though, I sit on the couch -Adso curled up on my lap,- watching Faith play with some of her Barbies’ that Geillis brought from the house. 

“Mommy, have you seen Traceys’ pink dress?” Faith asks, looking up at me with her big, round eyes.

“I think it’s over by the mantle, darling.” she walks over to the box of Barbie clothes next to the mantle and rifles through it. Having apparently found what she was looking for, along with a handful of other clothes, she goes back to her pile of dolls.

“Tracey misses her house,” she says after a while more. I sigh and drop my uninjured hand gently onto Adsos’s fluffy head.

“When Mr. Jamie comes back, we’ll go home. I promise.” the idea of returning to 8430 Merchiston Park sends an overwhelming feeling of terror through me. I paid a very large sum of money for a maid service to go and clean the entire house from top to bottom. Jamie and Geillis went afterward to remove anything of Toms’ they could find as well. I don’t know what they did with his stuff, but they assured me that nothing of his remains in there.

“Daddy isn’t home, right?” 

“No, sweetheart. He’s not.” I’ve struggled a lot with trying to figure out how much to tell her. Jamie told me she spoke with a social worker the day that… everything happened, but I never found out what was said. We’ve both spoken with investigators and lawyers several times in the past few days. I’ve not once been allowed in the room with her, though she has told me they ask the same questions over and over. Did Tom ever physically hurt her? Did  _ I  _ ever physically hurt her? How much she had seen? On and on and on. Faith is a very smart girl, but it’s hard to determine how she would handle the idea of her Father being in prison. A prison is a place only for very bad people. How would she feel about one of her own parents’ being among those very bad people?

“When will we see him again?” Faith asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. The social worker assigned to our case, a lovely woman named Lizzie, has urged me to not allow Faith to attend the trial. She informed me it can be incredibly traumatic for a child to relay such information directly in front of the one who inflicted it. They can take her statement and have it read out loud instead. Faith may potentially never lay eyes on her Father ever again. The idea of that gives me such mixed feelings that I cannot solve.

I have three weeks to decide what to do. Jamie has agreed to be with me every step of the way if I would like. At least I have that sorted. It’s a no brainer that I need him there for me while going through this. I don’t think I would even be able to walk through the door of the courtroom without him beside me. 

A petty side of me would also just like to see the look on Toms’ face when I appear with him. Far less important, I know, but definitely a bit satisfying to imagine.

* * *

“There’s a wee bit of traffic on the M90, so it’ll be just a bit longer,” Jamie tells me through the phone.

“That’s alright, take your time. Faith is still trying to say goodbye to Adso before I take her to school.” Faith was currently cuddled up with the cat on the loveseat, whispering to him and holding him tight. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem too terribly bothered.

“Ye’ ken if ye’ wanted to, ye’ could…” he says, cutting himself off.

“I could what?” I have a suspicion of what he might say. It’s something I’ve been heavily considering myself.

“Well… if ye’ didna’ want to return to the house, the both of ye’ could stay wi’ me.” he quickly says. I sigh and begin to fidget with a loose thread on my sweater.

“Jamie, I-”

“It’s alright, Sassenach. Dinna worry about it.” he interrupts.

“No, Jamie, I-” I try again.

“Really, Claire. It’s fine.” I can hear a smile in his voice, and he sounds completely sincere in his words. My trust in people has developed to near extinction lately, but I’ll always trust him entirely.

“Okay,” I reply. “We’ll talk when you get back, Drive safe.”

“Aye, I will. See ye’ soon.”

He arrives at the apartment half an hour later, right as I’m gathering the rest of our belongings and taking them to the car. When I return from my final trip to the garage, Jamie is sitting with Faith on the couch while she regales him with everything we’ve done since he left.

“-then me and Mommy went to the park and there was a really big dog there. It was almost as big as me!” Jamies’ eyes widen and he gasps.

“Almost as big as  _ you _ ? Must’ve been a mighty big dog then.”

“It was! She was really nice though. Mommy said we might be able to get a dog soon since I’ve been very good and I’m doing good in school.” Faith grins proudly. 

“I said we can think about it, love,” I say, sitting on the arm of the couch. “Having a dog is a lot of work.”

“Yeah, but I can do it.” Faith doesn’t even spare a glance at me before waving her hand dismissively. When did she jump from five-years-old to sixteen? Jamie laughs and ruffles her hair that somehow has already escaped from the confines of its bun.

“Listen to yer Mam, lass,” he says with a smile. “Speaking of, is it time to head out now?” he stands up and grabs his wallet from the coffee table, placing it in his pocket.

“Oh, you don’t have to come with us, Jamie. I’m just going to drop her off and head on home.” I say. Faith has left for the guest room to grab her backpack and say goodbye to Adso one last time.

“Aye, I ken, but…” he trails off, scratching the back of his head. “I um… thought ye’ might like some company when ye’… at least for the first time.” I bite my lip to try and hide my smile. I’ve been dreading returning to my house since the moment I left. Going into the site of my quasi imprisonment has brought nothing but anxiety for the last few weeks. Perhaps Jamie coming with me while I see it again for the first time would help tremendously.

“I really appreciate that I do, but are you sure? You just got home and I would hate to put you out.” Jamie shakes his head.

“Yer no’ putting me out,” he says. “I said I would be there for ye’ no’ matter what and I intend to keep that promise.” I hope he can’t see the blush I feel rising in my cheeks.  Some of the nerves seemingly melt away at his words. I stay silent for a moment, then nod.

“Thank you,” is all I say. Faith emerges from the room and skips over to me to grab my hand. “Mr. Jamie is coming with us to drop you off. Is that alright?” 

“Yay!” she squeals, before promptly abandoning my side and launching herself at Jamie. 

“I swear she likes you more than me.” I chuckle, grabbing my purse from the entry table. Jamie swiftly picks her up from the ground and walks out the door.

“Jus’ part of my charm, Sassenach. We’ve discussed this.” he brushes past me and I try to ignore how warm I feel at the touch of his arm grazing mine. I’ve been doing a fairly good job at pushing away the feelings for him quickly taking over me. I never had a crush on Jamie Fraser during our friendship, but when we first met I was overwhelmed with school and my career, then when we met again I was married with a child. This is the first time I’ve really ever been able to view him without those lenses. I don’t know if it excites or frightens me.

“Whatever,” I stick my tongue out at him and lock his front door. As the three of us walk to the garage and into my car, It feels too comfortable. It feels almost eerily normal. I can almost forget everything going on in my life right now. Tom, the trial, my recovery, all of it. Letting all of those things melt to the back of my mind, I simply enjoy the normalcy of right now. 

With my left hand still healing, I’m not able to properly drive, so Jamie gladly agrees too. I subtly watch him from the passenger seat as he continues to converse with Faith for the entire trip. He tells her all about the horses at Lallybroch she is still dying to meet. 

They’ve become so comfortable with each other. Jamie has always had a soft-spot for Faith, and vice versa, but this is different. She doesn’t hesitate to be picked up by him or hold his hand as she does with other men in her life. We even had to switch her classes once as she was too nervous with her first teacher, Mr. Mackenzie. Jamie is right, he does have an undeniable charm that draws everyone to him, but this has to be something special.

“Sassenach?” Jamie says, bringing my attention back to the present. “We’re here, lass.” we’ve arrived at the school now, and Faith is already unbuckling herself from her booster seat.

“Oh, sorry.” I shake my head to clear my thoughts and exit the car as well. Faith walks in-between Jamie and me, holding both of our hands amidst the throngs of other parents and students. This again feels absurdly normal. Perhaps I’m trying to distract myself from my impending return home.

“Dr. Christie!” Mrs. Crook exclaims as we meet her at the door. “I havena’ seen ye’ in weeks!” she briefly glances to Jamie, then back at me.

“Yes, I’m afraid I got rather busy with work so I had to rely on Marsali quite a bit.” out of the corner of my eye I can see Jamie stiffen slightly. “Oh, Mrs. Crook, this is my friend Jamie Fraser. Jamie, this is Faiths’ teacher.”

“Pleasure to meet ye’.” she shakes his hand with a smile. “Och, what happened to yer hand then?” she furrows her eyebrows.

“I’m rather clumsy, I’m afraid,” I say, without hesitation. “Wasn’t paying any attention to where I was going and tripped and fell on it. It’s no bother though.” before she or Jamie can interject anything else, I crouch down to Faiths’ level and plant a kiss on her cheek. “Be good today. Love you,”

“Love you too! Bye, Mr. Jamie.” she gives a quick hug to his legs and runs inside to her classroom. I stand back up and brush the non-existent dirt from my pants.

“Well, it was good to see you again, Mrs. Crook. Hope you had a good holiday.” 

“You as well,” she touches my arm gently, eyes softening. “Nice to meet ye’, Mr. Fraser.”

“Same to you.” Jamies’ hand hovers over my back, carefully not touching me, while he leads me back into the car. His mood has changed drastically, but I can tell he’s trying to hide it. He stays quiet while we drive, only occasionally muttering under his breath in a language I can’t decipher.

“Are you alright?” I ask, growing nervous. He jumps slightly and shakes his head.

“Aye, sorry.” he pastes a tight smile onto his lips. “Jus’ lost in thought.” I pick at my cuticles and continue to look at him, unconvinced. The tightness in his jaw and grip on the steering wheel say otherwise. Every few seconds he shifts in his seat and taps the fingers of his free hand on the shift. I take a deep breath, steeling myself.

“Are you mad at me?” I ask, quietly. He instantly turns to me, his expression melting away.

“No, Sassenach, not at all,” he assures me. “It’s only that… never mind. Dinna be troubled wi’ it.” he turns into my neighborhood and slows down. My stomach knots in on itself for multiple reasons. The obvious being the growing nearness of the house. The second being Jamies’ sudden shift. Something is clearly bothering him, and my mind refuses to let me believe it’s not my fault.

“Tell me,” I say, nearing a whisper. “Please,” I quickly add. He must see something in my expression that breaks his resolve. Jamie focuses his attention back on the road.

“It’s jus’…” he sighs as his finger starts to tap again. “I was… reminded of how good of a liar ye' are.” I freeze. I tear my eyes away from him and turn to face the window. 

I’ve always been told I have a glass face, that everyone knows exactly what I’m thinking before even I know it myself. But things with Tom being the way they were, I had to learn how to hide everything. How to come up with excuses and reasons on the fly. Now that Jamie knows what he does, he’s seeing all I’ve had to do since the start of our relationship. He's teased me for being a bad liar several times during our friendship, so the words he says cut straight into me.

“Oh,” I mumble. “Sorry,”

“Ye’ have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, lass,” says Jamie with complete sincerity. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“No, it’s fine. I-” I stop dead as we pull up the house. The lawn is slightly overgrown and the rose bushes desperately need to be trimmed, but other than that it looks the exact same. My heart rate rapidly increases and for a second I fear I may faint. The rational part of me knows that Tom is not waiting inside for me, and I’m not in any danger at all. However, my hands still shake violently and I feel the need to throw up.

“Claire, ye’ dinna have to go in if ye’ feel ye’ can’t.” Jamies’ voice flows through my ears as if I’m underwater. I force myself to breathe.

“It’s fine,” I snap, unbuckling my seatbelt with trembling fingers. I step out of the car and stare up at the looming house. “Can we get the stuff out later?”

“Aye, of course,” Jamie says, treading carefully. I take cautious steps towards the large, mahogany door. I don’t know how long I stand there, keys clutched in my right hand. 

_ There’s nothing in there.  _ I tell myself, repeatedly.  _ There shouldn’t even be any of his belongings. Nothing is left of him.  _ I shove the key into the lock and swing the door open.

By instinct, I look to where Tom normally threw his shoes and coat onto the rack. It’s empty. A photo of us from when we first started dating that hung up on the wall is missing as well. All visible traces of our life together have been stripped away.

With a small burst of bravery, I step further in. Jamie shuts the door behind him, remaining planted at my side.

“How do ye’ feel?” he asks.

“I’m not sure,” I reply. I venture through the foyer and into the main living area. All of his small knick-knacks are gone, along with the coaster that always sat on his side of the couch. They really took care to remove everything.

Slowly, I move on to the kitchen. The floors and walls have been scrubbed within an inch of their life. I have a vague memory of vomiting near the table, but there’s no trace of it. No trace of the blood I was sure to have spattered onto the walls or floor either. I stand frozen in front of the last place I saw him, face contorted with rage and betrayal. I don’t have much memory of that day, but his face is crystal clear in my mind.

“They found him, you know,” I say, voice cracking with tears I didn’t realize were falling. “He thought he had killed me so he was hiding at Phillip Wylies’ house.”

“Good,” Jamie says. “He deserves to rot in jail for the rest of his life.” I chuckle, mirthlessly.

“I don’t even know how I feel.” I wipe my nose on my sleeve and tear myself away from my spot on the floor. “This is the first time I’ve ever been down here in sweatpants, I think.”

“What’d ye’ mean?” 

“Tom forbade me from leaving the bedroom before getting ready. I wasn’t allowed to so much as step foot out of the room without doing my hair and makeup and getting dressed.” I continue to make my way through the house, not looking at anything in particular. “I had to wake up before him every day because he hated to see me not looking my best.” Jamie grunts and I can perfectly picture him rolling his eyes.

“That man is delusional.” I shrug my shoulders.

“I think he was just trying to… look out for me. Twisted and backward as it may be, he did actually love me.” the words themselves taste vile in my mouth. I’ve been trying and failing to not view him as the man I once knew. It’s been difficult to completely forget how amazing things used to be… but I’m trying.

Finished with the downstairs, I journey on to the second floor. Halfway up, I’m assaulted by the memory of that first night. Tom had returned home from a trip early, in a rage over photos of Jamie and me at a holiday party. I grip the handrail so hard I can feel it digging into my palm.

That night had been the worst. Visions of him towering over me, hands in my hair, on my throat, him punching and hitting me so hard I was unconscious, floods through me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to force them away, to no avail. I don’t even realize I’m not on my feet anymore until Jamies’ hand appears on my knee. I flinch away from him and push my back against the stair above behind me.

“Don’t touch me,” I say through gritted teeth. I become overwhelmingly lightheaded and start to feel almost detached from myself. My nails dig into my palms and I drop my head onto my knees. 

Images flash across my eyes uncontrollably. Hands, belts, phones, him. I’ve had panic attacks before, but none so sudden and quick as this one. A friend once told me to find ways to ground yourself if you start to panic. Something about finding things you can touch, see, smell, taste, anything. I open my eyes to try and focus on anything but the instant I do, I see Tom standing in front of me, mouth curled into a snarl. I wrench my eyes shut again. My breaths out in shaky huffs and I become dangerously close to hyperventilating. 

_ “Jesus Christ, Claire, get it together,”  _ says I voice in my head. I can’t discern if it’s mine or Toms’. The sound of the stairs creaking sends my eyes flying open, expecting to see my husband, but instead, it’s the blurry sight of Jamie. Looking concerned, but determined. I can see his mouth moving with words, but can’t hear them.

“W-What?” I slur, trying desperately to put my vision back into focus.

“Open yer hand, lass,” he repeats. Too dazed to question him, I shakily unfurl my right hand, abstractly noticing the dark red nail marks. Jamie reaches forward and drops something into my hand. I jump at the sudden cold in my palm and look to find ice cubes now sitting on it. The longer I stare at them, the clearer they become. The ringing in my ears slowly recedes, and my body stills. Jamie still stands before me, eyes trained closely onto my face.

“What the fuck?” I gasp. “How did you do that?” Jamie laughs a bit, relieved.

“Ye’ can stop a panic attack by shockin’ yer senses,” he tells me. I close my fist around the ice, enjoying the feeling of stillness returning to my body.

“No,” I shake my head. “I think you’re just a witch.” he laughs again and sits himself down on the step.

“I think ye’ mean wizard, Sassenach.” he smirks.

“Not enough stigma around wizards. You’re definitely a witch.” we sit in silence for a few minutes. I let my breathing regulate and my legs stop shaking before standing again. “Can you take these to the kitchen, please?” I hold the partially melted ice out to Jamie. He immediately grabs them and I can hear him drop them into the sink.

“Are ye’ okay to keep going? If it’ll be too much for ye’ we can come back later.” Jamie says when he returns. I take a deep breath and set myself.

“I can do it,” I say. “Sorry about that,”

“Dinna ever apologize fer that. I promise I dinna mind.” I wish I were better with words in these moments. There’s no way of letting him know just how much what he said means to me, but I hope he can tell through my small smile and nod. Turning back to face the stairs, I continue climbing with no hesitation. I allow Jamies’ presence to supply me with the confidence and strength I need to finish what I need to do.

We reach the second floor, and the first place I go to is Faiths’ bedroom. I truly have no memories of Tom in here, so it remains likely the only place in this house untainted by him. Her bed is made, toys and stuffed animals lined up in a neat row. The pink walls are covered with various pieces of art, both hers and the ones we bought. 

There’s a small photo of the two of us from the coast sitting in a frame on her nightstand. One of my favorites. It’s one of us from our trip to the coast. Our identical curls blowing wildly in the wind while we stand on the edge of a large rock overlooking the water. We both have matching grins on our faces, eyes glittering while we laugh at the camera.

That was one of the first days we had spent there. Tom leaving had coincided perfectly with her holiday break and my time off. We spent days walking the coast together and enjoying the time away. It was just days before the start of where we are now. 

I drop the photo back onto the stand, refusing to be swept up again. With one last look to her bedroom, I shut the door and reenter the hallway. Toms’ office is just across the walkway. I wonder if they emptied that room as well. I never spent much time in there, aside from bringing him something to eat or clearing dishes away. While there aren’t any particularly bad memories associated with that room, I decide to leave it alone for now. 

That just leaves our bedroom. The double doors stand tall and opposing at the end of the hallway. I could never have guessed that morning when I went downstairs to prepare breakfast it would be the last time I would see this room for weeks. Shoving my feet forward, I move to the doors. 

“I’m right behind ye’, Sassenach.” Jamie says. I nod without facing him, grateful. I twist the knob steadily, pushing the door open.

The room is overwhelmingly underwhelming. The bed is neat and tidy, everything on my nightstand is in its correct place. It’s entirely… normal. As expected, Toms’ side of the room is bare. His robe is absent from his dressing table, his watch and phone and their chargers are gone, and even the smell of his cologne that often permeated everything in its vicinity has disappeared, replaced by the smell of clean linens and freshly vacuumed floors. Emboldened by the absence of what I feared, I completely enter the room. 

“Did you empty out his drawers as well?” I ask.

“Aye, and his closet.” Jamie keeps a respectful distance from me. He lingers in the doorway, toying with the ring he always wears on his pinky. I’m suddenly struck with a thought.

“Did you go into my closet?”

“Geillis peeked in there but saw it was only yer stuff, so we left it alone.” just as he finishes, I beeline to my closet and swing open the door. I haven’t looked inside this case in years, but I still remember exactly where I put it. Grabbing the step stool out from underneath the wall covered in coats, I drag it over to the shelf in question. The way I shove my expensive bags off the top shelf and onto the floor would make Tom furious, but I need to find this. 

“What are ye’ looking for?” Jamie asks, appearing in the closet. I ignore him as I finally lay my hands on the beige Burberry suitcase. It takes a bit more wiggling to bring it to the front, but when I do, I heave it out and step back onto the floor. I push past Jamie and drop the case on the bed. “What on Earth is that?”

“It’s everything I kept from my wedding,” I answer, unzipping it. Directly on top is a velvet bag containing the jewelry I wore. 

“Why d’ye need it?” 

“I don’t need it… but I-I want to see it.” I toss the bag of jewelry onto the bed and keep digging through. The Christian Louboutin box with my shoes is next. I don’t bother to open them up. They were horrendously uncomfortable and I never wore them after that day. Item after item gets removed until I reach it. The photo album. A black and white photo of the two of us adorns the front. We’re standing in front of a large garden, one arm wrapped around his neck while the other dangles at my side with the bouquet. His arms are around my waist, and his forehead pressed against mine.

“We loved this picture,” I say. “It was his favorite.”

“Claire, are ye’ sure ye’ should be looking at these right now?”

“Yes,” I say, patting the bed, indicating him to sit next to me. He does, hesitantly. “I keep catching myself… defending him in my mind. Telling myself that he had a reason to do what he did.” I flip through the large album, glancing at the countless photos inside.

“I dinna understand,” he says, not even once looking at the album, his eyes trained only on me.

“Besides the day Faith was born, I always thought my wedding was the happiest day of my life.” I stop at the page with pictures of Tom and me at the head table. He’s leaning over and saying something to his best man. I’m sitting to his left, glass of wine in my hand looking out into the crowd of people. There were hundreds of guests at our wedding. I only personally knew maybe thirty of them. I considered even fewer to be actual friends of mine. I point to myself in the photo. “But see? Look how… sad I look. I was absolutely miserable that day.”

I continue to go through the album. In nearly every photo that I’m not posing in, my face is drawn together, downturned. The wedding was a huge, lavish affair. We easily spent somewhere in the six digits. Hell, my engagement ring alone was £80,000. But despite all of that, I was still dreadfully unhappy.

“I kept telling myself over and over that, I was happy and content with him, but now that I’m really, truly thinking about it…” I pause. “Jamie, I needed to see this to remind myself that he was  _ never  _ a good husband. Because I keep forgetting it and finding myself feeling hopelessly lost without him.” I close the album with a slam and drop it back into the case. “It’s pathetic, I know. The man nearly kills me and I still miss him every night. I still regret ever telling you about him because maybe if I hadn’t he wouldn’t be in jail right now… Christ, I sound ridiculous.” I run my good hand through my hair and sigh. I need to stop unloading everything onto Jamie like this. One day he truly will grow tired and up and leave me. No matter what he says, everyone eventually has a limit. I trust Jamie enough to tell me when I've reached his.

“Claire, ye’ dinna’ sound ridiculous,” he speaks slowly, choosing his words with care. “Ye’ sound like a woman who was manipulated by an evil, vile man.” I glance at him. He seems refreshed after his holiday break. The circles under his eyes have lightened, and the creases around his mouth have lessened considerably. “Tom is a smart bastard, I wilna’ lie. He knew exactly how to get ye’ to believe what he was saying and that he was doing it for yer own good. But that’s no’ yer fault. He used yer kind heart against ye’. Ye’ canna blame yerself fer that.” he speaks with such sincerity it breaks my heart. My eyes burn with tears that I refuse to let fall. I’m done crying over that man.

“Jamie,” I shakily reach out a hand to grab his. He waits for a second, gauging my reaction. When I don’t pull away, he tightens his fingers around mine. “I can’t promise that this is it, that I’m done having these feelings, but please know that I’m trying.” he places his second over mine, trapping it between his two, warm large ones.

“I ken, Sassenach. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Ye’ are one of the bravest, kindest, most brilliant people that I know. The fact that yer even sitting in this room at this minute is a testament to that. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but I’m so incredibly proud of where ye’ are now.” tears begin to pour from my eyes for a completely different reason. For the first time in months, I feel perfectly, unconditionally safe. Without giving too much thought, I move forward and wrap my arms around Jamies’ middle. I bury my face into his solid chest while he encompasses me in his warmth.

“Thank you,” I mumble into his shirt. For years I have yearned for the safety and security of being held. Tom would never do more than an arm draped over me as we slept. I have pleaded with the universe to let me be simply wrapped in someone's arms, protected, and cared for. I never thought I would find the same feelings since my mother passed, but Jamie comes dangerously close. He runs a hand through my curls and places a soft kiss to the top of my head.

It's impossible to tell when I will feel whole again. Tom took large parts of me and crushed them beneath his shoe. There are parts of me missing that have been gone for so long I can't even remember what they once looked like. But that's in the past. Sitting here with Jamie is the future. 

“Dinna be troubled, lass. I’ve got ye’.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! The final chapter! A second arc will be posted within the next week or so, and it will cover the trial, as well as Jamie and Claires' life as they continue to grow and move on from this. So please be on the lookout!
> 
> As always thank you SO much for reading! It means the absolute world to me!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and be on the lookout for more soon! Please leave comments, kudos, or bookmarks if you enjoyed!
> 
> Have a great day!!


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